@Mithrun1

[tablescraps]

@Mithrun1

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[tablescraps]

No.

( He thought maybe he could, if he just got what he wanted. But that man only dug the cavern deeper and deeper - an endless, ravenous maw.

He doesn't answer the apology yet. )

You can't fix a dish that isn't someone's taste.

You and Tylor wouldn't be who you are without each other, right?

[tinged]

We are two, not one.

[ despite the way they crave it; each intimate moment makes it stronger. ]

Justy-kun and I would still be ourselves without each other. I am not less without him, though no doubt I would certainly feel like it. If he’s happy, then I could be happy, too, even if he lets me go.

But I wouldn’t like it.

I

Sometimes it feels like you think Justy-kun and I are connected in a way that’s superior to your connection to him. That’s not the case. I just understand him in a different way, not a better way. We met at a different point, that’s it. There’s a lot I don’t know.

[tablescraps]

( A time passes. )

Even if these things are true, you and Tylor will remain together.

There's nothing here to change, that can change.

[tinged]

[ … ]

And you don’t like us together, if we want you.

[tablescraps]

Yes.

I hate him. But it's as he said.

( "Fulfilling one desire prevents the fulfillment of another." )

[tinged]

[ hani responds to the second part of his message, skipping the first entirely. they need more time. ]

Can you elaborate? How is he correct?

[tablescraps]

You and Tylor want to be with each other, but that means you can't be with me.

In fulfilling one, you forfeit the other.

[tinged]

Oh. No, that’s wrong.

I could see how you could interpret that as him being right, but… it’s like looking at a star and thinking you know it. But what you’re looking at is a tiny snapshot in time from years long past.

Justy-kun may have his own opinions, and being with you would be nice, but I want to love you. I want to be allowed to love you. I want to love you enough that one day, you can understand a sliver of how I see you.

That… doesn’t necessarily mean we have to be together, does it? I can stay by your side, but just not in that way, right?

If you go, I will still love you. If I’m not allowed to touch you, I will still love you, forever I think. There’s no forfeiting that love.

[ and they don’t think they have to mention their hunger for him. ]

And I think rather than being a special case that’s made to prove his foolishness, what we are is a little different. A little special. I doubt he would have ever thought of a situation like this.

[tablescraps]

( ... )

Would you be happy this way?

[tinged]

Would you still let me touch you? Would you still want my touch?

[tablescraps]

( ... )

I think so.

But I don't know if I want to say it.

[tinged]

Let my stay by your side before you go. Before your time is too short and too soon. So I can say goodbye with a smile.

Happiness would be the least of my worries then.

[tablescraps]

( There is a pause here, too, before he answers this. )

Okay.

If that's what you want.

[tinged]

[ and.

type. backspace. type. backspace.

none of the words are what hani wants. eventually they just settle on: ]

When we’re together, all three of us, I’ll try to make sure it’s just one of us at a time. And not me and him together.

[ which makes no sense, but it’s what comes out. maybe mithrun understands still. ]

I don’t want you to be sick.

[tablescraps]

That's not realistic.

( But that doesn't mean it fails to convey. He knows that's... a lot, coming from Hani. All of it is. )

And it's contradictory. But I like that you do what you want, or try.

[tinged]

I am doing what I want. I am, we are going to love you so much that you can’t possibly doubt that you aren’t. That anything can eclipse you when you’re with us.

That you can feel sick or uneasy and say it right then and there.

[tablescraps]

( Then don't feel responsible if you can't help but kiss Tylor, don't think you've made me sick when you lean into him and murmur to him and smile at him in a way he seems to know the words to. You can't help it - because you are as you are, and you give love and you take it voraciously, and that's what I like about you.

It does remind him of how it felt so long ago - feelings that seem almost prehistoric. Sitting at a table with Niamh and Cael, realizing they both have an accent now - and the language they spoke now was for each other.

It's possible he's projecting, but he hasn't worked out his feelings that far yet. He hasn't worked out any of this so articulately, so none of it leaves his lips, or even halfway formulate in his head.

He lets his feelings brew. )

Thank you for loving me, despite everything.

[tinged]

I’m happy to love you through anything.

And I think I hate that man.

[tablescraps]

( Ah... )

I do, as well. But he won't be around forever.

( This would sound maybe positive if Mithrun hadn't expressed intent to kill him earlier. )

[tinged]

[ nothing is forever. but what mithrun had said earlier… ]

Oh.

Is he part of the “soon”?

[tablescraps]

Yes. He's not an easy man to kill, so there will be a cost.

( Or maybe he just wants there to be. )

[tinged]

[ hani has no feelings about the man dying. none. death comes for everyone and the man will die when he dies.

but. ]

It makes me sad that, in the end, he still gets a part of you. He’s still rewarded.

He shouldn’t be allowed even a single piece. Not a sliver, not a breath.

[tablescraps]

( ... )

Is it still a reward if he doesn't want me?

[tinged]

Yes, my love.

[ what a fool, what a fool. ]

[tablescraps]

( He's not upset with Hani, but he does know he's as fastened to this path as a train is to its tracks. )

You accept joy and pain evenly, don't you? But... I can't be glad this happened to me. I can only get angry, and this is where my anger leads me.