@VOGEL

[insinning]

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[insinning]

I can tell you what I know of you but

why?

[tablescraps]

I feel like the change is making other players who knew me uncomfortable. I feel like there's a distance now.

( lonely... )

[insinning]

it's not the personality i think. it's the memories. i can rell you how you were but

i don't think that will help if you don't know why you did what you did

[tablescraps]

So, what, it's too late? I just start over again?

[insinning]

no

it's not too late

that makes it sound like you're giving up

[tablescraps]

I'm trying not to.

I feel like I'm close to losing everything, but I'm trying not to.

I wouldn't have messaged you if I was.

[insinning]

you're mithrun the researcher. that's who you are. you don't give in. if you haven't given in yet, then you still have hope. i have hope. i believe even if that person tries to take everything away from you, you will still be you. a core of you that he can't touch.

[tablescraps]

( He ruminates over the reply for a time... )

Do you think the person I became has as much value as the person I was before?

( And this applies in so many ways - he became Mithrun after he was Morgan; he became the Mithrun he was not so long ago, so different than the Mithrun who first began Fragment; and now, he's become this - not Mithrun at all.

It's no easier for Mithrun than it ever was for Charlie Gordon. )

[insinning]

[it's a long moment before Sinclair can reply]

you would have value regardless

but i miss the Mithrun I know. I can't replace those memories so easily.

[tablescraps]

( He thinks... he understands. It's not really him Sinclair loves, but someone else. That's why it's so painful. Is that right...?

A pause. )

Do you want me to stop talking to you?

[insinning]

[...]

No. I want you to keep talking to me.

[tablescraps]

( oh... )

Really?

[insinning]

yes. you said you were counting on me. we haven't given up yet.

[tablescraps]

( ... )

Okay. Thank you.

I feel like I'm running out of people to talk to. I feel like this has happened to me before.

( After the accident... where everyone he knew stopped talking to him... lol... But, unfortunately, he doesn't remember it concretely; only the heart beats with familiarity, as the memories' echoes carved light marks in. )

[insinning]

People just don't know what to do or say. So they freeze. They always do

[tablescraps]

Is that what Oria's comment was? Freezing?

[insinning]

well

let me correct that to : most people

oria wanted to give everyone a wake up call

to give you a wake up call

[tablescraps]

It read more like he was lashing out.

But it doesn't sound like you agree.

[insinning]

Oria doesn't lash out

He can't afford to

You know this

[tablescraps]

Don't be pedantic.

( But Oria is also pedantic, so he guesses that's something else they have in common. )

Is that how he wakes you up? Because... it might work for you, but it doesn't work for me. ( Wow, nuance. He learned it from Barrett. ) You're just lucky the person who knows how to talk to you isn't going anywhere.

[insinning]

[ A looooong stare at this]

If you're angry with Oria speak with him directly

he doesn't speak to me like that because we talk a lot

and you're being unfair

[tablescraps]

I'll talk to him later. I don't think he wants to talk to me now.

( Sinclair can advise otherwise for sure, but based on Oria's final message... He seemed pretty steamed to Mithrun.

Honestly, though... some part of him tells him he should be doing something else for his time. It's hard to balance his needs here. They ask for equal priority, but one needs to come before the other, somehow. )

Unfair how?

[insinning]

[many many many deleted angry messages later:]

if you can't remember what we've talked about, i guess it would be wrong for me to feel hurt

but you're blaming me for having someone

we worked on it. everything was us working together

you have so many people who keep reaching out

no relationship comes without communication

none of this comes easy

understanding is the hard part sometimes

[tablescraps]

( ...

Some time passes. )

I'm not blaming you for having someone.

[insinning]

aren't you?