He thinks back to the onsen. To Morgan's desperate insistence that Barrett never have close feelings for another, even if Barrett had to tell him it wasn't a promise he could make. He remembers the three of them touching and kissing and breathing of one another in synchronization. He'd seen them all have moments of discomfort but all still return to each other.
Had something gone wrong when he wasn't looking? Hadn't they all been comfortable?
He doesn't know. He never really knew, for Morgan. He wonders if Morgan ever knew for himself... or if it was the onsen all over again. Something scared and reactive.]
im just me hani. its okay
im sorry if im missing something. i really am.
but all we ever were was friends.
im sorry. i didnt know something had changed for you.
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we're friends
and you and tylor both love him a lot
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I’m glad that we are.
We do. I do.
[ each reply seems automatic and hani has never been this much of a robot. even when they didn’t care.
and they do care about bear, so they.
they shouldn’t. be like this. ]
I don’t want to give you another thing to worry about, because I’m worried about you, too. I’m sorry.
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i get it
i feel i owe morgan enough to keep the people who loved him safe
but i cant force protection on anyone
so just be careful whatever you decide to do
okay?
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But why do you think you owe him?
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there were things he understood better than other people
but i had a chance to protect him better and i didnt do it
[His feelings, the blossoms that barely got to open and see the sun... they don't belong here. He doesn't want to rip them out just yet.]
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About you?
Don't put yourself down. He wouldn't like that.
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[He stays silent on the rest.]
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I think you're right. But I also think there were parts he couldn't see.
But every part of him is so lovely. Every single part.
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i don't think it was ever possible for him though
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and we cant carry his happiness for him
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Happiness can hurt.
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Just sometimes.
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ive never thought of it like that
does it hurt for you hani
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That’s how I know it’s real. Before I was happy, but I didn’t feel anything.
How do you think of it, then?
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i dont usually think about it
but i think
["I like it too. Being with you."]
it feels warm
like sunshine
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Happiness is really amazing. And the people who can make us happy are even more so.
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But he has a feeling that Hani has made up their mind on Morgan's current state. So he keeps that thought to himself.
It aches in the hollowness.]
what do you want to do then
for morgan or the glitches
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[ as for the rest: ]
When I know the details, I’ll tell you. If you’d like.
But you don’t have to.
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The way I say his name?
...If you learn anything. I'd like to know.
But please be careful, Hani. We can't help anyone if we get into trouble, too.
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[ so don’t stop. ]
I’ll do my best, so I can take care of Justy-kun, and you, and everyone important to me.
I forgot I was supposed to stick to no caps rip in pieces in tired
...
He feels guilt swell. He doesn't want to talk about this. He wants to keep that blossom buried, he doesn't want to rip it from its roots.]
no. you love him, hani. tylor loves him
[Don't feel like this for anyone else.
I like the way my name sounds on your lips.]
i liked being with him. but we were just friends. i just wanted him to be safe and happy
i want to think he had a place for love somewhere, with whoever he wanted. i think it was always with you two though.
[not him. he can feel the grip bury. he doesn't want its color to fade. it didn't have any time to show itself. but this wasn't the place.
he's always been bad at lying.]
im sorry if it sounded different
i cared [so much. but let it bury. let it bury. let hani be the storm and justy be the river. let him be the ground that only let them carve a path.]
but not like that
[let him snuff it out and the hurt along with it.]
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Only one, not both.
[ even thought he said he loved them - did he? does he? this is why happiness hurts.
and for all of bear’s words when he can be the one, the only one.
hani and justy will never be less than two. ]
Perhaps you don’t see it. Or perhaps I’m wrong.
But that would be nice, too, if it was you.
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...
He thinks back to the onsen. To Morgan's desperate insistence that Barrett never have close feelings for another, even if Barrett had to tell him it wasn't a promise he could make. He remembers the three of them touching and kissing and breathing of one another in synchronization. He'd seen them all have moments of discomfort but all still return to each other.
Had something gone wrong when he wasn't looking? Hadn't they all been comfortable?
He doesn't know. He never really knew, for Morgan. He wonders if Morgan ever knew for himself... or if it was the onsen all over again. Something scared and reactive.]
im just me hani. its okay
im sorry if im missing something. i really am.
but all we ever were was friends.
im sorry. i didnt know something had changed for you.
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