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[tinged]

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[tinged]

[ control… ]

You say to stay away from you. But really what you mean is you’re running away from me, aren’t you?

You want to leave me, so that I’ll be a person without their Bear.

[gluttoning]

Yes.

I don't want to leave you behind. But I can't be there. Not if that's going to happen.

I promised a lot of people I'm never going to touch you again.




Does that make you angry?

[tinged]

Yes. I hate it. I'm angry, and my heart hurts. Why is it so easy for you to leave me? I don't care about your promises to everyone else. What about your promises to me?

[gluttoning]

[

Good. What else could this do?

]

Would any promise matter right now?

I just want you to be safe.

[tinged]

And what does safe mean? How do you know that I'll be safe without you?

[gluttoning]

I don't. But it's one more danger I can take away from you, and the people you love.

I wanted to be something like that. For you, and Morgan, and Tylor. Levi and Shoka and Kara. Hector and Fai.

For Lily.

I can't do that if I'm just hurting people. And if I can't control it, what else am I supposed to do?

[tinged]

You're one of the people I love.

Can you explain Lily to me?

[ he knows them, so he should know this isn't a malicious question. it's a request. they're curious about someone who seems to be loved by someone they love. ]

[gluttoning]

...I know. But you're not supposed to hurt the ones you love.




I tried at the meeting. I don't know if I did a good enough job. I must have made him look horrible.

What do you want to know?

[tinged]

Did Lily learn that? How not to hurt you? Why does it feel like sorrow has washed over you and you’ve yet to dry though you’ve come away from the shore?

I would like to talk to him.

[gluttoning]

Lily isn't hurting me. He's trying to teach me.

He won't allow that. I've tried inviting people, but he says no. It's not safe for him anymore.

[tinged]

Then who taught you to hurt us? And in what way am I unsafe for him?

[gluttoning]

I think

I think I'm just turning into my dad.



I don't know, Hani. Someone came in and it went badly. So no one else is allowed anymore. It's been like that for a while.

[tinged]

[ that phrase says it all, even if they've never had a discussion on this topic. ]

That's not possible, no. When we first met at the meetings to this very day, that's never, never been possible.

Let me talk to him. You know I wouldn't hurt him, so please ask him.

[gluttoning]

You don't know that. I've hurt Morgan already. I hurt you. I'm going to hurt more people if I don't get stronger and get over it. I can hear him and it makes me so angry.

I can't, Hani. It doesn't matter how much I trust you, he already said no more. He won't change his mind if I ask again.

[tinged]

You keep searching for control and losing it. Then you slip further away each time. Who are you getting stronger for if you don’t come back?

Just Lily?

[gluttoning]

No.

I don't know.

It's for everyone else. It always has been. I never wanted anything else.

[tinged]

It doesn’t feel that way.




It feels like you’re throwing me away, and I want to change your mind. But I can’t seem to, can I?

[gluttoning]

Please don't say that.

I don't understand why you think that. I want to do this to make sure I don't break you.

How am I supposed to face Tylor or Ganymede or Kara or Vogel if I screw up and you're suddenly gone?

[tinged]

I am not weak. I am not going anywhere.

I don’t want you to touch him again and you said you wouldn’t. I trust that. If you make another mistake, then we will learn from it together.

Just because you hit me doesn’t mean I’ll break. It doesn’t mean I’m not at fault for hurting you and wanting to. You know I did.

[gluttoning]

...

It's okay. I think I deserved as much.

But I wish you would have fought back. I wish any of you would have.

[tinged]

It is not, but I am not sorry. If I say it, it would be a lie, and I don’t want to lie to you.

I would have if I could have.

[gluttoning]

I don't want you to be sorry. You shouldn't be.

Good.

I don't understand you enough when you're that angry. You act different. Like that time you ran away into a dungeon, when you felt your feelings were being ignored.

I wish I could have seen more. So I could understand.

Maybe you would hate me.

[tinged]

Bear-kun?

[ some of this reads disjointed, making parsing the entire message difficult for them. ]

[gluttoning]

?

Yes?

[tinged]

[ … ]

Do you want me to hate you?