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[tinged]

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[tinged]

Then who taught you to hurt us? And in what way am I unsafe for him?

[gluttoning]

I think

I think I'm just turning into my dad.



I don't know, Hani. Someone came in and it went badly. So no one else is allowed anymore. It's been like that for a while.

[tinged]

[ that phrase says it all, even if they've never had a discussion on this topic. ]

That's not possible, no. When we first met at the meetings to this very day, that's never, never been possible.

Let me talk to him. You know I wouldn't hurt him, so please ask him.

[gluttoning]

You don't know that. I've hurt Morgan already. I hurt you. I'm going to hurt more people if I don't get stronger and get over it. I can hear him and it makes me so angry.

I can't, Hani. It doesn't matter how much I trust you, he already said no more. He won't change his mind if I ask again.

[tinged]

You keep searching for control and losing it. Then you slip further away each time. Who are you getting stronger for if you don’t come back?

Just Lily?

[gluttoning]

No.

I don't know.

It's for everyone else. It always has been. I never wanted anything else.

[tinged]

It doesn’t feel that way.




It feels like you’re throwing me away, and I want to change your mind. But I can’t seem to, can I?

[gluttoning]

Please don't say that.

I don't understand why you think that. I want to do this to make sure I don't break you.

How am I supposed to face Tylor or Ganymede or Kara or Vogel if I screw up and you're suddenly gone?

[tinged]

I am not weak. I am not going anywhere.

I don’t want you to touch him again and you said you wouldn’t. I trust that. If you make another mistake, then we will learn from it together.

Just because you hit me doesn’t mean I’ll break. It doesn’t mean I’m not at fault for hurting you and wanting to. You know I did.

[gluttoning]

...

It's okay. I think I deserved as much.

But I wish you would have fought back. I wish any of you would have.

[tinged]

It is not, but I am not sorry. If I say it, it would be a lie, and I don’t want to lie to you.

I would have if I could have.

[gluttoning]

I don't want you to be sorry. You shouldn't be.

Good.

I don't understand you enough when you're that angry. You act different. Like that time you ran away into a dungeon, when you felt your feelings were being ignored.

I wish I could have seen more. So I could understand.

Maybe you would hate me.

[tinged]

Bear-kun?

[ some of this reads disjointed, making parsing the entire message difficult for them. ]

[gluttoning]

?

Yes?

[tinged]

[ … ]

Do you want me to hate you?

[gluttoning]

No?

Maybe.

I don't know.

My heart says no. You're my friend.

But I think your anger is different.

[tinged]

Oh. The monster. Yes, I think so.

But it doesn’t hold on to anger the way you may want it to. It can’t hate other than in brief bursts.

[gluttoning]

Why do you call it a monster?

[tinged]

That’s what it is inside me. That’s the word that came to mind first.

[gluttoning]

[A pause.]

Does it ever feel like it's eating you alive?

[tinged]

Not me. It wants to eat you. Everyone in my heart.

[gluttoning]

Do you want that to happen?

[tinged]

Sometimes, I want to let it. And...



I think I would let it rather than let you all be taken from me by anyone.

[gluttoning]

We can't promise forever.

What do you think you would do if one of us was taken?

[What extremes would they take? What vengeance would they seek?]

[tinged]

Oh, Bear... What wouldn't I do? wwww