@Yael

[weaseled]

@yael

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[weaseled]

Thanks. Let me know how hard he cries when you do.

One more thing. Thanks for not telling anyone.

[???]

[curvaceous]

Telling anyone about what?

[ ??? indeed. ]

[weaseled]

What happened offline. That whole ordeal with your bag.

The less people know about me, the better for everyone involved.

[curvaceous]

What makes you say that?

[weaseled]

I'm not a good guy. Not worth wasting the time on or getting to know.

[curvaceous]

I see.

What if I told you that I think the same way of myself?

[weaseled]

I'd like to call that BS, but I'm sure you have your reasons.

But for the record, you don't strike me as a bad person. That's the kind of thing you can sense about another person.

[curvaceous]

Then it's only fair that I get to extend the same sentiment to you.

We don't know very much about each other, Yael, but you insisted that I owe you nothing for that time you got my purse back. Perhaps that is a sign that you are kind.

Unless there's another reason why you wouldn't want me to actually repay you?

[weaseled]

I've been accused of that a lot lately.

[But he can't accept those compliments knowing all the bad he's done in his life, all the families he's ruined, all the lives he's compromised. It doesn't feel right to think of himself as anything other than a monster.]

I think you're better off not knowing me well. "Don't talk to dangerous men." Didn't your parents teach you that?

[curvaceous]

[ If she knew he was thinking about all of that, she'd shake his hand. She's toyed with others, played with emotions, used people to further her own means – and for what? Misery, resentment, and low self-esteem.

His response alone, though, makes her wonder what kind of things Yael has done in his past. Something about that sliver of knowledge is strangely comforting – that someone who sees himself as a monster can still be acknowledged. He can still do kind things. ]

No. I don't think they would have cared if I did. xD

[ Her words may be an exaggeration, but the sentiment isn't. ]

Besides, I'm an adult. I pick and choose who I talk to. Maybe we never need to know each other well, and simply respect and enjoy one another's company for how we present ourselves, whether it be online or offline.

I am not deterred by dangerous people. Not when I am one myself.

[weaseled]

[Her response is unexpectedly refreshing. It's a mature, grounded sentiment, one Yael wouldn't have expected from her... but it shines a light, a thin sliver of light, on who Kara really is.

A fleeting thought passes through Yael's mind— if that's what she thinks, maybe we're not that different.]

Care to elaborate? Your perspective's definitely unique, but I'm not getting heartless monster vibes from you.

cw parental abuse/neglect moving forward

[curvaceous]

Normally, I'd be opposed, but sure. Let me ask you something, first:

What do you think about love? It does not necessarily have to be romantic; just a general sense of the word is fine.

[weaseled]

Love's what you make of it. Everyone has their own definition, but it's not as straightforward as the love you see on TV and in books.

It's not always healthy, either. Love can be a poison.

[curvaceous]

I agree with both of those sentiments, 100%.

In my case, it has been nothing but a poison. A hindrance. Being unable to accept care from others, believing that "unconditional" love does not exist, and that people only want to be around you so they can get what they want out of you before they leave. That is why I was surprised to hear you say that you expected nothing in return for retrieving my purse.

But, in the end, that's my choice to believe all of that. Perhaps someone will change my mind about all of this one day, but that may also just be me hoping for something that could never happen.

I hope that you've had better experiences with it. I sincerely mean that.

[weaseled]

You're hoping to be saved from yourself?

From my experience, I can tell you that won't happen. There are no heroes in this world, only people just as fucked up as you and me. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that.

Still, you're not a lost cause. That's clear enough.

[curvaceous]

[ Haha. Holy shit. ]

You think so?

That is nice of you to say. ... I don't think anyone's told me that before. I don't mean a lot of what I say, but this is probably the nicest thing anyone's said to me.

Do you think you are?

[weaseled]

You can count on me to pass on the bullshit. I've got nothing to gain by lying to you.

As for me, let me ask you a question too. Is murder bad?

[His question is intentionally broad, leaving out any sort of context.]

[curvaceous]

[ ...well. That's not what she was expecting. ]

The right answer would be to say yes.

However, *I* think it depends on the context.

[weaseled]

Smart. Figures you'd want context.

I've been in the military for a long time and fighting for even longer. I've contributed my fair share of bodies.

That makes me a murderer, doesn't it? A bad person.

[curvaceous]

I don't think that necessarily makes you a bad person, given the context. However, I can see why you would feel that way. The battlefield seems traumatizing. I can't claim to understand the horrors that come with taking someone's life, yet alone many.

Even so, there must have been something very instinctual about taking down a thief that stole an innocent young lady's purse – and you returned it to me, too. Would a heartless, murdering machine be capable of doing something like that? Perhaps, but I'm inclined to believe otherwise.

It would've been easier to just let him go, but you didn't take the easy way out.

That's why I don't think you're a lost cause, even if you cannot be saved from yourself.

[weaseled]

You're a good woman, Kara. Far more than you give yourself credit for.

I'm starting to get the impression that you've been viewing yourself through the wrong lens all your life. Is that too far of a stretch?

[curvaceous]

...Yes. I don't think I'm wrong in how I see myself.

I've used people a lot, Yael. Sometimes it was mutual, sometimes it wasn't, sometimes they didn't even know. After a certain point in my life, I became numb to viewing people as expendable, all in favor of protecting myself for the reasons I told you earlier. I shut out things like remorse because if I felt guilty for all the things I've done, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

...Well, that's not entirely true. I don't like who I am. Maybe that's a sign that the last statement is a lie.



I'm not sure what compelled me to say all of this.

I guess you're just the first person who wanted to hear it.

[weaseled]

You said it because you needed to get it out of your system. Nothing wrong with that.

And the fact that you said it proves you're not happy with the person you were. A truly bad person doesn't give a damn. They don't need to cut themselves off from their emotions. Some of them don't feel them to begin with.

That isn't you. Maybe you got caught up in some bad habits, but that doesn't make you bad.

[curvaceous]

For someone who claims to be a bad person, you sure are showing me a lot of compassion and understanding.

...Thanks. I appreciate it.

[weaseled]

No thanks needed. I've been where you are and I know how shitty it feels.

Believe it or not, I've been worse than I am now. If I can survive in this world, so can you.