@Yael

[weaseled]

@yael

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[weaseled]

[automistakes..............]

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. If you can benefit from what I've learned the hard way, you can spare yourself some pain in the longrun.

[tablescraps]

( truly

Some pause. )

Would you be irate if I made a mistake, despite your advice?

[weaseled]

Irate? Nah. Making mistakes means you're actively trying, right?

[That said, this is Mithrun. Yael can imagine him making mistakes without trying, but his point stands.]

[tablescraps]

( Mithrun considers this view quite optimistic. )

I guess. There's something right now I don't really understand.

There's someone I know who's really cheery and friendly. He's touchy. He'd like holding me and holding my hand. He was always complimenting me and how I look. He said he treats everyone he's friends with like that. He'd also say I was different. But he'd also say we were just friends. I don't know why, but it was starting to frustrate me. Even though he was transparent.

I think he has a partner now. He was always talking about how he wanted someone who wanted to be with him. I don't know for sure, but I think I know them... He was drunk in their guild hall, on the steps, and I put him in a bed. Then he started holding me like he would, and he started getting touchier than usual. I said he could do what he wanted.

I think I made a mistake... Right?

[weaseled]

[...The more Mithrun describes the man, the clearer an image Mithrun paints of him in his head. No, it can't be that man.....................]

Sounds like Justin. [Sorry Justy.] You really do have peculiar tastes.

[tablescraps]

Justy. Does it sound like I like him?

[weaseled]

It sounds like a crush to me, but let me get something straight here first.

He doesn't seem like the type of guy who'd use anyone. Too spacey. But you let a guy who might or might not have a partner touch you?

[tablescraps]

( Doesn't seem the type... :0 (Mithrun who doesn't understand basic qualities about other people.) )

Yes. I didn't really want him to stop.

( Which is similar to, but just slightly different than, "I didn't have the desire to stop him," which is technically true, but... )

[weaseled]

[Good answer, Mithrun. "I didn't have the desire to stop him" would've had Yael leaving him on read.]

And let's say he for sure has a partner. Do you care if he's cheating on them with you?

I'm not asking about morals here. I'm asking you if that bothers you at all.

[tablescraps]

( A small gold star! Very small.

This one he has to think about. Objectively, sure, it's bad to cheat on your partner. Objectively, also, you don't really want a relationship with someone apparently fine with cheating on their partner, either. But, divorced of morality and common sense... )

No. It doesn't really bother me. Though... with him, I guess I don't really like that he might have gone back to someone else, after.

( He isn't bothered with any cheater getting handsy with him, honestly. It's whatever. But he doesn't like the idea of Tylor, specifically, using him as a side piece (in this hypothetical scenario). Apparently, he'd rather homewreck. )

[weaseled]

[Eh, Yael gets it. Mithrun wants to have his cake and eat it too, but he'd dislike it if someone took that cake away from him even if Mithrun were the one who stole it in the first place.

For what it's worth, Yael appreciates his honesty even if he doesn't agree with Mithrun. Progress for them both.]

There's a good chance he'll lose interest if he's got someone already. Cheaters usually go out, sleep around, and return to their partners afterward. There's comfort in familiarity, etc.

But that's supposing the guy has a partner after all. Maybe he's talking about his tamagotchi or his dumb pet potato. Have you asked him if he's single?

[tablescraps]

That's true.

( He does know cheaters aren't really good partners for a reason. And yet... )

Before that, he did talk like he was single. He said he only does certain intimate things with people he loves. When I met him at the guild, he was covered in hickeys... Is it weird to assume?

[weaseled]

Sounds like the person he slept with plays the game too. Friends with benefits, probably, but that raises another question.

If he's the type to sleep around, he might not be looking for a committed relationship. Someone like you would be happier in one, don't you think?

[tablescraps]

( Gap in reply. )

I think so.

But I don't know if I'd like being in love again. If that's what this would lead to. I don't know if it's a good feeling.

[weaseled]

It's good and it's bad. Love's complicated like that.

But some of my happiest days were with my ex. I'd rather keep those good memories and deal with the pain than have never been happy at all.

What do you think? Would the tradeoff be worth it to you?

[tablescraps]

( He's really thinking on this, this is his first day at emotions school pls )

I think I might need to change, first, before I can be sure. I don't know what I'm like now, but... the last time love hurt, I overreacted.

[weaseled]

[Mithrun gets a gold star for attendance... a small one.]

You? Overreacting? That's hard to imagine.

[Do tell, Mithrun. Yael is more curious than he'll admit.]

[tablescraps]

I mentioned I was in love with someone who chose to marry my brother, right? I'd been sent away to study in my brother's place, and I heard the news when I graduated. I tried to graduate early because I wanted to see her again. We wrote letters, but she never mentioned anything about a proposal or engagement... so it was kind of a shock.

I don't really remember a lot of it. I know I took the news very badly. A professor I really trusted happened to be there at the time... Or, well, he "happened" to be, in retrospect. He took me to his place. I think I broke some mirrors. Then he convinced me into doing some dangerous things. I could have walked away, but I didn't.

I probably wouldn't do those exact things again, but... If I look back on it, I'm a pretty callous person. I don't think I handle myself or others very carefully.

[weaseled]

[Callous, huh.]

Your words, not mine.

But callous isn't the word I'd use. Sounds to me like you feel your emotions just as strongly as anyone else, but you don't know how to manage them. Easier to shove them all into a neat little box and ignore them completely, right? But that box can only hold so much.

I don't think who you are needs to change. What needs to change is the way you cope with your own feelings.

[tablescraps]

( He calls it like he sees it. He just has to understand he's seeing something.

pikashook, tho )

I see. How do you cope with yours?

[weaseled]

You think I deal with mine?

[He's no better than you, Mithrun. The PTSD well runs deep.]

I killed that Daniel asshole because he caught me in a bad mood. I can keep myself from flying off the handle when a relationship breaks off, but everyone's got their breaking points.

But you're not a lost cause like me. Talking things through seems to do you some good. Hell, you should consider journaling. Put your thoughts down on paper.

[tablescraps]

( Journaling....................... He'll consider it. )

What makes you a lost cause but not me?

[weaseled]

What's my excuse? A hard life? I'm just beyond help, but I'm not looking for it either.

You want to change and get better, so you will. That's the difference between us.

[tablescraps]

You'll be angry with me for giving up, but not yourself?

[weaseled]

Right. I'm what you might call a hypocrite. That doesn't mean my advice is useless to you.