@Mithrun1

[tablescraps]

@Mithrun1

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[insinning]

[Out damned spot? That drove people insane, sooner or later]

Is it really that simple? When I get caught up in those feelings, I feel like I can't think straight at all.

[ Mithrun thinks he's---pure, in some odd way. Sinclair knows, maybe in Mithrun's eyes, he is. He has read up on what Sarabi has done, when he had the chance. Looked into the incident.

But Sinclair can't look back at himself and think so easily. He can't let himself believe it could be so easy. He frightens himself sometimes, when he lets his thoughts go astray.

If he ever said the things he thought aloud

He thinks]

I think you could find meaning, if you wanted to believe in it. Are you afraid too?

[ Sinclair is afraid. Always afraid. ]

[tablescraps]

( Where Sinclair has too many emotions, Mithrun has too few - when it comes to other people's affairs. Opposite of Sinclair's end of the spectrum, there's something uncanny about Mithrun describing snuffing out a human life, however unworthy, like snuffing out a candle. It was murder, but that was all. )

Do you need to think straight on this matter? It'll be over once she's dead.

What are you afraid of? That these feelings won't pass with her death?

( Sinclair had asked him if he was afraid, but he can't answer without first understanding what Sinclair is afraid of. )

[insinning]

There's a lot I'm afraid of. That these feelings won't disappear. I'll become someone I hate. That I'll hurt people I care about because I'm not strong enough.

[tablescraps]

Does trying to suppress your feelings prevent any of that, though?

Let yourself be what you are; learn to wield it. If you hide it, you won't know how to control it when it bleeds out.

A sword is a thing that kills. But if you know how, you can learn how to strike with the blunt side of the blade.

[insinning]

...like in the area?

[ When clarity had sunk back in that had been...worrying in a different way.

It's just a game. Except it's not. ]

Is that how you decided on living?

[tablescraps]

I don't have a choice how I live. You do.

Choose before it's chosen for you.

[insinning]

[Is that really true? Is Mithrun's injury so crippling he can never make a choice that isn't revenge?]...I'll have to get stronger then.

[tablescraps]

Is that something you want to do alone?

[insinning]

...I'm a coward. I hate being alone.

[tablescraps]

Then, I'm here.

What do you think will make you stronger?

( We're workshopping this, )

[insinning]

[Ah. That's right. Mithrun would be here]

Knowing. I think. What's there.

[tablescraps]

What those feelings are?

[insinning]

[A long pause as Sinclair considers that.

And then]

Yes. How far they go. How far I'm willing to go.

[tablescraps]

How do you think you can find out?

[insinning]

When the time comes.

[Winter hadn't taken him seriously, he think. But he had held back]

[tablescraps]

I'll be with you then. You won't be alone when you find out.

( Whether Sinclair's as awful as he's scared of or not. Neither could make Mithrun turn away from him - not for any poetic, beautiful reason, but because it's all the same to him.

Sinclair is Sinclair, whether he's kind of cruel. What matters is largely that he doesn't end up a gibbering flesh fetishist like Kromer. Sensible and functional and happy is fine, even if Sinclair comes out of all this with a knife's edge. )

[insinning]

[Ah

that was his biggest fear

But now he can

This isn't something you say 'thank you' for

But he's thankful regardless]

okay

Okay

[tablescraps]

We still have time. If there's anything else you're afraid of, you can talk to me, whenever you want.

( This is a revenge pact. We both get our revenge. We both learn what it means to feel, for the first time in a long time, free. We won't be alone in it.

And we can't have Sinclair backing out. )

[insinning]

[Maybe this is the confidence he needs.

Morgan wont let him feel lost in his anger alone.

Morgan knows he's not innocent, not in the way everyone seems to believe he is.

And he doesn't mind. It's a shared goal.

If Morgan can help him kill that --- and ---- then...

He can help Morgan too. He has a clearer direction now]

Thank you.