Cubia's always known from the start, and that's my fault. That's why if something needs to happen with Levi, I'll do it myself.
Right now, he's himself again. He was horrified when the Data Drain ended, and I'm not going to treat him like a monster just because Cubia took control of him. I'm going to try to get some answers from him.
I'm telling you this because I want to be honest with you, Morgan. I know you don't trust anything to do with Cubia. But please at least trust me.
[He lets the silent settle, even after Morgan's response sends. Part of him knows that that's only a tense truth. Morgan has had to go through a lot of falsehoods to get here, and Barrett of all people doesn't deserve to ask for trust.]
I know. I know I keep breaking it.
I have to try. I love Levi too much to just not take a chance before it's too late.
Edited (U know what I'm changing that) 2023-11-23 15:31 (UTC)
I like this part of you, too. The part that cares so much. But if I find out you're not around anymore, I
( He types that and he doesn't know how to complete it. He stares at it for awhile, and then... just leaves it. It conveys enough, he thinks. He hopes, at least. )
[A little hurt is worth it. He doesn't regret the blow he took for Morgan, or what he's tried to do to protect the people he loves. It's his ignorance in the consequences of his decisions that has drawn the most regret.]
If Levi gets cornered, then he might hide away just like Matoba did in the end. After what happened with me, and losing Kara, and now this? I think there's a reason Cubia might be doing something now.
But I know what I'm going to be looking at this time, if it all goes wrong.
( Agitated, still; he can't help but be. But he can understand Barrett is trying to bridge reality with his belief. It's not how Mithrun operates, and that's what leaves him uneasy. But he made a point of saying that this is some part of Barrett he values, despite everything, for a reason. He isn't here because he wants a carbon copy of himself. )
Okay. I'll trust you.
( Again, knowing there might not be ground beneath him to give him foothold when he steps forward, and he might fall through. But that's what Barrett does, too, having faith in a situation like this. )
And if it gets to that point, you won't have to deal with it alone. We can figure it out.
( And, if anything, it's an implicit suggestion he'll not jump at solving the problem solo (as much as he'd like to) - he'll try to get Barrett's input - and he's not keen on letting Barrett try to shoulder it alone, should it come to pass. At least let them both have a say. But that's a bridge they can cross if they get there. )
( There's no reply for ... awhile ... but at this point it's probably apparent that gaps between replies means Mithrun has to really think about how he feels to be able to respond. )
Do you really trust that I won't do anything to Levi?
[Part of him really, really wishes they were face to face for this... but he's already made it to the infirmary by now, and this isn't a talk he wants to drop.]
I was a little scared when I knew I'd have to tell you. I knew it was going to scare you, too. And I know when you're scared, you want to find a way to solve it somehow.
If you'd gotten angry enough to confront Levi, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something happened to either of you. But... maybe I really wasn't trusting either of you enough, thinking that way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Inbox
Important
Draft
Sent
Trash
Compose
no subject
Cubia's always known from the start, and that's my fault. That's why if something needs to happen with Levi, I'll do it myself.
Right now, he's himself again. He was horrified when the Data Drain ended, and I'm not going to treat him like a monster just because Cubia took control of him. I'm going to try to get some answers from him.
I'm telling you this because I want to be honest with you, Morgan. I know you don't trust anything to do with Cubia. But please at least trust me.
no subject
All I've done is trust you.
no subject
I know. I know I keep breaking it.
I have to try. I love Levi too much to just not take a chance before it's too late.
no subject
... Ugh... )
Just be careful.
I like this part of you, too. The part that cares so much. But if I find out you're not around anymore, I
( He types that and he doesn't know how to complete it. He stares at it for awhile, and then... just leaves it. It conveys enough, he thinks. He hopes, at least. )
Just don't let yourself get hurt out of love.
no subject
I won't let it go too far. I promise.
[A little hurt is worth it. He doesn't regret the blow he took for Morgan, or what he's tried to do to protect the people he loves. It's his ignorance in the consequences of his decisions that has drawn the most regret.]
If Levi gets cornered, then he might hide away just like Matoba did in the end. After what happened with me, and losing Kara, and now this? I think there's a reason Cubia might be doing something now.
But I know what I'm going to be looking at this time, if it all goes wrong.
no subject
Okay. I'll trust you.
( Again, knowing there might not be ground beneath him to give him foothold when he steps forward, and he might fall through. But that's what Barrett does, too, having faith in a situation like this. )
And if it gets to that point, you won't have to deal with it alone. We can figure it out.
( And, if anything, it's an implicit suggestion he'll not jump at solving the problem solo (as much as he'd like to) - he'll try to get Barrett's input - and he's not keen on letting Barrett try to shoulder it alone, should it come to pass. At least let them both have a say. But that's a bridge they can cross if they get there. )
no subject
That said, though.
Are you okay, Morgan?
no subject
no subject
I never thought you didn't want to trust me. But I'm worried that what I said still really hurt you.
Just because I want to protect Levi doesn't mean I want to ignore how you're feeling.
no subject
Do you really trust that I won't do anything to Levi?
no subject
I was a little scared when I knew I'd have to tell you. I knew it was going to scare you, too. And I know when you're scared, you want to find a way to solve it somehow.
If you'd gotten angry enough to confront Levi, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something happened to either of you. But... maybe I really wasn't trusting either of you enough, thinking that way.
no subject
A pause again. )
I don't want to be someone who scares you. Or someone you don't trust. But I guess I am.
I don't have to come by the infirmary if you're that worried.
no subject
Because I do trust you, Morgan. I'm scared of hurting you. But I'm not scared of you.
Please come. I don't like talking like this when I can't see you.
no subject
Pause. )
Okay. I'm in Net Slum, so it won't be long.
( It won't be long, but it won't be brief, either. Alas, he's lost... but he'll get there eventually. )