@tabibito

[tinged]

@tabibito

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[tablescraps]

No.

( Because he doesn't want anything, etc. But, after a moment, he does add: )

But I've never really been to the beaches here.

( Despite living in Malibu. He's not saying he's been meaning to. But if the question is stripped down to whether there's something he hasn't gotten to do yet - that's the main one that comes to mind. )

[tinged]

Let's go!! I can teach you to surf if the weather works out.

Are we sharing the same bed when I stay? Pajamas??

[ there was never an if. ]

[tablescraps]

If you want to share a bed we can. I only have one. But I can sleep anywhere.

We can buy clothes if you don't have anything to bring. I don't have a swimsuit, myself.

[tinged]

It’s on my list! But I was wondering if pajamas were necessary or optional.

We can go shopping or you can borrow some of mine.

[tablescraps]

Do you sleep nude?

I'm fine with borrowing, if you think they'd fit me.

[tinged]

Only with people, if that’s something they want. I don’t mind either way. So I’m not sure where you fall on that.

We about the same build, just different heights. It’ll be exciting and fun if you wear my clothes. I’ll bring a bunch.

[tablescraps]

I'm also fine either way. It sounds like pajamas are your default, so you can wear them.

When you say "if that's something they want"... are you referring to people you sleep with?

Okay. I'll see you Monday. Morning?

[tinged]

Yes, sometimes. Sometimes, it’s just cuddling. It’s fun, especially when I’m traveling.

[ meeting people and getting to know them in various ways for a day or a week, it’s all casual fun. ]

But I don’t know if I can do that anymore.

Morning! I’ll drive through LA traffic for you www

[tablescraps]

( cuddling naked...? )

I'll see you, then.

Why can't you do that anymore, though?

[tinged]

More and more, I find my thoughts drifting to Justy-kun. Morgan-kun, Mithrun-kun. Some others, occasionally.

[ they don’t necessarily mean in an intimate way. ]

I just don’t think it would be fair if I’m thinking of other people. Or, and I suppose this is likely, if I start hoping for those people instead. I don’t know.

If it happens, it happens. But it’s something I’m keeping in mind.

What do you think?

[tablescraps]

( oh... )

Why would you hope for me?

( That they think of Tylor he doesn't question, of course. )

[tinged]

That’s the thing about hope. Once you start hoping for one thing, you keep hoping for more.

“I’d love to talk to him again,” becomes “I want to see him again,” becomes “I wonder if he thinks of me.”

It’s a hungry monster, as nice as it is insidious.

I’m not quite used to it. But it may stay with me forever now.

[ they’ve yet to determine if it’s a good thing for them. ]

[tablescraps]

( There's a lapse of time before there comes an answer. It's not clear if Mithrun had to set his phone down for a bit, or if he'd read it and not answered right away. )

I know that hunger. I wanted so much, it left me like this.

Are you sure that's what you want, at the end of the line?

[tinged]

Yes. Even if I wasn’t, I don’t know what it’s like to hold back from reaching out for what I want.

Will you tell me about it?

[tablescraps]

Sometimes, it's like having a plate and cup that's always full, but you eat, and you eat, and you eat until you're sick, but you still feel like you're starving. You still need more.

Sometimes, it's like your plate and cup is only empty, and you're too hungry to think, or even speak. You look around you, and you see that everyone's tables are full, and the look and scent is too delicious to bear, but you can't have it for yourself, no matter how much your stomach twists.

And sometimes, you find there is a meat in your hands, and it feels like you haven't gotten to eat before, not ever, so you bite into it, even as it twists and writhes, and it tastes the best you've ever had. And then you realize, once you've bitten through and halfway had your fill, that the meat - the flesh is the person you've wanted to have a meal with, at your table. But that's that. You've already eaten them up.

cw metaphorical (?) cannibalism

[tinged]

[ oh. ]

That hunger.

I felt something almost like that with Justy-kun.

And then again when the three of us were together. I wanted to eat all of you, and it was hard being patient about it.

Is the ring still there?

tagging past midnight and i forget the cws... i'm gomen

[tablescraps]

( ... )

It's starting to fade. But I know what the lingering redness is.

snugs it’s nbd!

[tinged]

That’s a shame. I wish it wouldn’t ever.

[tablescraps]

Would you leave a scar?

[tinged]

Are you asking me to, or are you asking if I would?

[tablescraps]

The second.

[tinged]

Yes. But I'd rather leave a mark on your soul if I could.

[tablescraps]

If you do, I might bite back.

( Like with Tylor. )

[tinged]

Where???

Would you leave a scar?

[tablescraps]

( Period of thought. )

Front of the neck. Where everyone could see it.