More and more, I find my thoughts drifting to Justy-kun. Morgan-kun, Mithrun-kun. Some others, occasionally.
[ they don’t necessarily mean in an intimate way. ]
I just don’t think it would be fair if I’m thinking of other people. Or, and I suppose this is likely, if I start hoping for those people instead. I don’t know.
If it happens, it happens. But it’s something I’m keeping in mind.
( There's a lapse of time before there comes an answer. It's not clear if Mithrun had to set his phone down for a bit, or if he'd read it and not answered right away. )
I know that hunger. I wanted so much, it left me like this.
Are you sure that's what you want, at the end of the line?
Sometimes, it's like having a plate and cup that's always full, but you eat, and you eat, and you eat until you're sick, but you still feel like you're starving. You still need more.
Sometimes, it's like your plate and cup is only empty, and you're too hungry to think, or even speak. You look around you, and you see that everyone's tables are full, and the look and scent is too delicious to bear, but you can't have it for yourself, no matter how much your stomach twists.
And sometimes, you find there is a meat in your hands, and it feels like you haven't gotten to eat before, not ever, so you bite into it, even as it twists and writhes, and it tastes the best you've ever had. And then you realize, once you've bitten through and halfway had your fill, that the meat - the flesh is the person you've wanted to have a meal with, at your table. But that's that. You've already eaten them up.
[ hani touches their neck, imagining the bite. wearing it where everyone could see. to be marked by someone, maybe permanently, when they don't even have a permanent name yet. ]
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I'll see you, then.
Why can't you do that anymore, though?
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[ they don’t necessarily mean in an intimate way. ]
I just don’t think it would be fair if I’m thinking of other people. Or, and I suppose this is likely, if I start hoping for those people instead. I don’t know.
If it happens, it happens. But it’s something I’m keeping in mind.
What do you think?
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Why would you hope for me?
( That they think of Tylor he doesn't question, of course. )
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“I’d love to talk to him again,” becomes “I want to see him again,” becomes “I wonder if he thinks of me.”
It’s a hungry monster, as nice as it is insidious.
I’m not quite used to it. But it may stay with me forever now.
[ they’ve yet to determine if it’s a good thing for them. ]
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I know that hunger. I wanted so much, it left me like this.
Are you sure that's what you want, at the end of the line?
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Will you tell me about it?
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Sometimes, it's like your plate and cup is only empty, and you're too hungry to think, or even speak. You look around you, and you see that everyone's tables are full, and the look and scent is too delicious to bear, but you can't have it for yourself, no matter how much your stomach twists.
And sometimes, you find there is a meat in your hands, and it feels like you haven't gotten to eat before, not ever, so you bite into it, even as it twists and writhes, and it tastes the best you've ever had. And then you realize, once you've bitten through and halfway had your fill, that the meat - the flesh is the person you've wanted to have a meal with, at your table. But that's that. You've already eaten them up.
cw metaphorical (?) cannibalism
That hunger.
I felt something almost like that with Justy-kun.
And then again when the three of us were together. I wanted to eat all of you, and it was hard being patient about it.
Is the ring still there?
tagging past midnight and i forget the cws... i'm gomen
It's starting to fade. But I know what the lingering redness is.
snugs it’s nbd!
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( Like with Tylor. )
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Would you leave a scar?
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Front of the neck. Where everyone could see it.
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Yes. Would you please?
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( You don't want to save that for something certain and requited? )
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[ hani would be happy, they think, to carry anyone they loved forever, requited or not. ]
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I don't think I'd regret it. If it happens, then it happens.
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Regardless of outcome, I don't mind if you eat me in the end.
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[ so they think. ]
If you both could carry just a little part of me with you and think of me. Yes, just a little.
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