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[fluorite]

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[fluorite]

[ POOR MIHARU. She's already having a bad time and it hasn't even been two weeks...

It takes Fai a couple of minutes to respond to her message, but that's only because he's giving it some serious thought. ]

I have, yes. I'm not particularly enthused when it comes to adventuring, and I don't know that I like hanging out in town in the same way that others do. Then again, I'm not used to games like this.

I assume you feel similarly?

[ophidie]

That's about the gist of it.

Mastering my class is a chancel to improve my skills, so that's self-betterment, in a way. I'm not sure about the socialization or being able to feel as though I'm really in here. I thought it would be like turning things off for a while, but this is actually too much like the everyday world.

Am I just trying to convince myself I'm strong enough to not get fixated?

[fluorite]

It's possible. Maybe you're afraid of what getting deeply involved in this game might do to your life outside of it.

Or it's not the escape you were hoping for.

[ It certainly isn't for Fai. ]

[ophidie]

Turns out everything that was already out there doesn't go away when you leave the game, even though I can't say I really expected it to.

But even just looking for an escape might be too much. If I let things like this take over, then I'm not that different from someone I don't want to resemble.

I don't know why I feel this way or why I'm telling you all this. I'm the worst.

[fluorite]

Slow down. What makes you the worst? For sharing your feelings? There's nothing wrong with that.

[ Well, when it comes to other people. Fai isn't allowed to share his feelings, obviously. ]

[ophidie]

You're telling me you don't have a problem with doing that to a virtual stranger? I'm acting like I know you at all. I don't know why I let this take hold of me.

[fluorite]

Sometimes, strangers are the ones that help us most in our greatest time of need.

[ophidie]

You don't know the first thing about me.

[When she first types this, it's out of irritation, a moment of lashing out. Even when she calms down enough to not snap at him over text, that doesn't make it untrue (in fact, it's even more important this way), so she leaves it in her response.]

I guess that's the point of what you're saying, though. That you don't. Why are you talking this through with me?

[fluorite]

I've got no reason not to. Or maybe I'm just soft.

[ It's absolutely, one hundred percent the latter. ]

In that same vein, why not talk more to me? We don't know much about one another, so how much harm could it really cause?

[ophidie]

I guess you sure are.

No harm ever came from strangers talking over the internet. [Just a little bit of what might be genuine humor poking through there...even if it too will immediately fall prey to the goblin's "blessing." Why would she make a joke at a time like this...?] If it does go astray, then I can add it to my list of regrets.

[fluorite]

[ Ah. So she has a whole list, does she? He bites back a sigh. Maybe a talk like this might be a good thing for them both. ]

And just like you, I'll add it to mine. Sounds fair, right?

[ophidie]

Sounds fair.

I don't really think fate has a course set for our lives or anything like that, but that makes it hard not to wonder: Exactly what brought us here? Why do we make the choices we do?

Where I live...things aren't the best at home, I guess. So if I want to be able to move on, why would I let myself waste my time with something like this?

[fluorite]

I hate to say that I still wonder the same thing, even though I'm nearly a decade older than you.

[ But... hm. He takes a while to think of a proper response to the rest of her message, so he ends up sending the other one first as the rest follows a few minutes later. ]

Surprising things can lead to personal growth. Do you think you need to grow a little more before you can move on?

[ophidie]

That's reassuring. I guess we'll see how far I've gotten in ten years. I wonder why you'd still be asking those questions. I doubt you wish you never had to see your mother again.

[Because there's the gap in between emails, she doesn't have the time to really regret that before sending it. But she really shouldn't have, right? He gets a split follow-up, too.]

I must still have to, if I'm still not able to overcome my own weakness. If I work hard, things will get better. I always told myself that. But that determination...maybe it's not enough.

[fluorite]

[ Hm. The end of her message makes him pause, his finger idling over his computer mouse as he wonders what he should say. He's felt that feeling before, though not for his mother.

Fai wonders if he should touch on that topic at all, but decides that maybe finding out more first is better. ]

What is your weakness?

[ophidie]

Maybe there are some things I still think I don't want to talk about. Sorry.

I hope you can forgive me for withholding information from you until we're a little closer. [Which, at the time, she has no intention of letting him get in the future - this seems like a foolproof plan.]

But for starters, I don't really know how to be around people.

[fluorite]

Of course I can forgive you.

[ After all, Fai doesn't really share anything about himself at all, even with those he should be close to. ]

People are difficult and complex. Even the most sociable people might think that they struggle being around others.

I do think that this game could help you with that, at least.

[ophidie]

Maybe it will. I don't even know if that's how I want to be. I don't always have a problem with it. I didn't care about being written off by girls at school. They'd already made up their mind about me.

Maybe I'm not someone who believes or wants to be otherwise, but someone who who hopes another person will prove me wrong instead.

[And that still gives her plenty to chew on regarding whether the choice to take a risk on this game was the right one.]

[fluorite]

[ Ah... her last line resonates with him, even if it's for a different reason. ]

I think many of us hope that the right person will come along and make us see ourselves in a better light. You aren't alone in that feeling whatsoever.

[ophidie]

[It's a lot easier to say someone isn't alone than to convince them they aren't, but she brushes that off silently without responding to it, the way she would any other number of platitudes.]

Yeah. I think in that event that ever happened, it'd be enough to satisfy me. It might not change anything about me, but it'd be like having something that made it feel worth it.

[fluorite]

[ She's opening up about that much, so... ]

I think I would feel the same, in a sense. Of course, I'd like to be a better person at the end of it all, but having someone there who would say good things to me would make everything a lot easier to bear.

[ophidie]

Right. At the very least, even if I didn't deserve it...I might have been able to earn their love somehow.

Do you think that's what it would take to become a better person? Doing it for the sake of someone else?

[She might be in the depths of the goblin curse echo chamber, but she's self-aware enough to see that he's speaking from his perspective, too, without calling it out directly.]

[fluorite]

[ "Earn their love", huh? That's painful to read, so much so he has to read that line a few times over. ]

Sometimes, there isn't anything you can do when it comes to someone else's feelings for you.

It could be. Of course, you can become a better person simply for yourself too. There's no harm in that.

[ophidie]

I know. Sometimes there's really no use even in trying. Maybe that's why I've written it off. I might never know someone as deeply as I want to...but that's a problem when I'm not sure I like what I want to know about myself, either.

But at least I'm used to doing things for myself. It gets kind of tiring. It sure seems like the goal always keeps moving.

[fluorite]

It's hard, isn't it?

The goal will always move, unfortunately. I've learned that much over the last few years.