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[fluorite]

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[fluorite]

If I can allow non-member inside! I have the membership private, since I want only us old folks to join. ;)

But if I can open it up for a while, you can take a look.

[dissimulative]

right
i almost forgot its full of adults
but thats okay
its nicer to connect with each other as within a community
i look forward to it then!

[ wildcard me or something ]

[fluorite]

[ "Earn their love", huh? That's painful to read, so much so he has to read that line a few times over. ]

Sometimes, there isn't anything you can do when it comes to someone else's feelings for you.

It could be. Of course, you can become a better person simply for yourself too. There's no harm in that.

[fluorite]

[ That little "ugh" makes him laugh. So juvenile, but he gets it. ]

Let's hope everyone avoids those keywords. Maybe you should make a post about it on the network.

[ But then she'd have to admit to that feeling, so he knows that's unlikely. ]

You were lucky, choosing to reach out to me. I understand those feelings all too well.

[ Normally he'd never say something like that, but keeping it through text makes it so much easier to vocalize... and their previous conversation essentially confirmed as much anyway. ]

[ophidie]

[Yeah, no way is that something she'll admit to experiencing in public. Besides, now that it's been a couple of days... She already knows exactly what some individuals do with warnings posted on the forums.]

Think I'll pass. I know how interested people get when they're warned about doing something. When Akatsuki posted about the keyword that blows your armor off, it was a free-for-all.

Thanks for hearing me out. I guess I did get lucky, for once. It's easy to forget, but I don't think it's really uncommon for people in our generation. [He's a few years older than she is, but young adulthood doesn't exactly get easier.]

[ophidie]

I know. Sometimes there's really no use even in trying. Maybe that's why I've written it off. I might never know someone as deeply as I want to...but that's a problem when I'm not sure I like what I want to know about myself, either.

But at least I'm used to doing things for myself. It gets kind of tiring. It sure seems like the goal always keeps moving.

[fluorite]

You make a good point. Then in that case, let's not spread misery.

You're right. I wonder if it might be an even more common occurrence in the people drawn to games like this.

[ Y'know, escaping reality and all that. ]

[fluorite]

It's hard, isn't it?

The goal will always move, unfortunately. I've learned that much over the last few years.

[ophidie]

I think so... at least those who make it part of their lives. I'm not saying I'm particularly lonely, but I think that's part of why it doesn't always work: You're lonely no matter where you go.

Have you ever done anything about it? [That's an intentionally open-ended question, with no small number of ways he could approach it. That's why she's put it out there like this.]

[fluorite]

I've dated before. Does that count?

Although, that ended up leaving me feeling even more lonely after the fact.

[ophidie]

No kidding. [It is hard, and even labeling it like that is a huge understatement.]

It is what it is. At least if I'm the one moving the goals I have no one to blame but myself. I think I must have been hoping, at least a little bit, that she'd notice. You know, "I'm worried you'll spend too much time on that game instead of your studies," or something like that. But she never notices.

[ophidie]

[Oh, well, that is in fact one of the few subject rabbit holes she hadn't thought this would be going down.]

That wasn't what I was expected, but sure it does.

I understand why it felt that way. I don't like hearing "goodbye." Being rejected would be hard, but it would be harder to have something that ended.

[fluorite]

[ Ah... that must hurt, to have that hope crushed every passing day she doesn't notice. ]

Is she away from home a lot?

[fluorite]

It hurts when a relationship ends, but you always go into it knowing that it might. It's always a test to see if you might be able to weather all the hard times to come.

[ophidie]

No. She's home all the time.

[There's a big difference between being home and being here.]

[ophidie]

That's a nice philosophy, and we're truly always replacing one experience with another new one. Moving on is inevitable even for people who hate it like me.

Has it really been that easy for you to follow it yourself, though? [The advice is appreciated, and she doesn't mean it meanly - but Miharu has to call it as she sees it. She detects a hint of "do as I say, not as I do" from him now that she's not completely embedded in her own miserable world.]

[fluorite]

I see.

[ For a few minutes, that's all Fai says. After all, what can he even say?

But he eventually sends another message after a bit of debate: ]

I hope you aren't neglecting your studies.

[fluorite]

[ ...Is he really that transparent? So many have been calling him out that he's starting to feel like he just might be. ]

Not at all. I think it gets harder every time.

[ophidie]

[… What. ]

What, do you think that’s cute? It’s not, you know.

[Thank god this is over text! She’s flustered, but at least this way he might buy the angry response at face value.]

[fluorite]

[ He thinks it over, wondering if that angry response is all there is to it. If it is… well, it’s a good thing he has a thick skin. ]

I’m not being cute, actually. I mean it. Are you taking time out of your day to study? You’re not neglecting other things for the game too, are you?

[ophidie]

[bitch at least commend her for being perceptive before your self-loathing kicks in]

I bet it doesn't. But that doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with your philosophy... It's just hard to live by if you've already written the ending.

Not that I'm one to talk. Even if I developed those feelings for someone, I'd probably expect to be rejected by them.

[We will play artful neutral pronouns games in this house.]

[ophidie]

[She can't tell if she's supposed to be feeling pitied by this or not, which does make her itch to fold in for self-protection. How did she end up in this position, again...? Thanks to the goblin curse, it's just another choice for her to, well, "reflect" on. Even if she's still suspicious, on the lookout for patronization, she finally answers honestly.]

I am. I can't afford to lose my scholarship, or it really will've been not worth it.

No one's going to clean the house if I don't get to it, either.

[fluorite]

[ IMPOSSIBLE

Unfortunately for Miharu, Fai zones in on those neutral pronouns. It's like a gay calling card to him, but he says nothing about it and simply files that information away. ]

Why would you expect that?

[fluorite]

Then in that case, I hope you enjoy the game. You work hard enough that you deserve to spend some time doing something fun.

[ It's probably impossible to tell over text whether what he's saying is out of pity or not, but his words are still there and plain for her to see. ]

[ophidie]

[She definitely doesn't know she might get betrayed by her own craftiness, especially since she's used to successfully protecting herself from any personal scrutiny.]

Well, it's statistically pretty unlikely for them to feel the same way, isn't it?