@fai

[fluorite]

@username

Inbox

Important

Draft

Sent

Trash

Compose

Message(s) Received;

Comments

[ophidie]

[bitch at least commend her for being perceptive before your self-loathing kicks in]

I bet it doesn't. But that doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with your philosophy... It's just hard to live by if you've already written the ending.

Not that I'm one to talk. Even if I developed those feelings for someone, I'd probably expect to be rejected by them.

[We will play artful neutral pronouns games in this house.]

[fluorite]

[ IMPOSSIBLE

Unfortunately for Miharu, Fai zones in on those neutral pronouns. It's like a gay calling card to him, but he says nothing about it and simply files that information away. ]

Why would you expect that?

[ophidie]

[She definitely doesn't know she might get betrayed by her own craftiness, especially since she's used to successfully protecting herself from any personal scrutiny.]

Well, it's statistically pretty unlikely for them to feel the same way, isn't it?

[fluorite]

[ Unfortunately in matters of heart and homo, Fai is good at detecting these things. He sighs as he writes his response, already feeling the distance he’s tried to keep from others in this game dissipating as he does so.

Her words all but confirm his hunch. ]

There are plenty of gay women around if you look in the right places.

[ophidie]

Sorry, what?

With so many people in the world, the chances that two feel the same is low even without prejudice.

[fluorite]

There's always a good chance there will be some interest.

But if I made the wrong assumption, you can tell me.

[ophidie]

... You've really turned this around on me.

It's not like I've given my heart to anyone, so I can't say for sure until then, but I'm not ashamed of it.

[fluorite]

You're right, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

And you can know before giving your heart to someone. I knew before I ever dated any guys.

[ophidie]

Oh. [She gets it now.] I thought this was another attempt to parent me.

[Not that he isn't still doing that, but it's a little different with him sharing a part of himself. Miharu still isn't one for opening up regardless, but some conditions lead to clearer air than others. At the very least, she definitely doesn't feel as tense now.]

I'm guessing that's one of the reasons you knew what you were talking about when it comes to wanting to be enough?

[fluorite]

[ She’s right, but it definitely makes him wonder… Hm. ]

In a sense, yes.

Do you feel like you’re not enough because of who you like?

[ophidie]

No, it's not like that. I can't say it's always been easy, but I could never feel that kind of hesitation over liking someone.

[If anything, it's because of who she is, but it's easier to leave that unsaid when she isn't cursed by a dungeon effect, no longer feeling like a cup that's been poured too full.]

[fluorite]

I'm a little relieved to hear that, actually. At least you don't have that one obstacle getting you down.

[ But he's got an inkling she has other things, thanks to their conversation the other day. ]

[ophidie]

I just think that anyone I love will certainly be amazing. It has nothing to do with how I feel about myself. [He's totally right; this has very little to do with her own self-esteem.]

It should go without saying that I'm a private person normally, though. I'm hoping you'll respect that since you're one as well.

[She might have accidentally tripped into a closeness with him that would otherwise take months or years to accomplish, but that doesn't mean she'll make a habit of it - with him or with others. Still, this isn't really a shift that can be walked back, either.]

[fluorite]

[ Well, he thinks she's right about that. He has faith that she'll pick someone good. ]

Of course.

[ He has no trouble respecting that particular boundary, especially when it benefits him too. But... ]

I've pried a little bit, so you're free to pry right back. It's only fair, isn't it?

[ophidie]

Right, it's only fair. I won't turn down something for free.

You said these games aren't your style, but you're still playing. [While at first that seems like it might be her question, the rest of her message just lets that thread lie there like bait when she shifts to something different.] What id it that you normally do?

[fluorite]

[ He's more than happy to answer the real question and leave the other statement hanging. It's a rabbit hole he feels she shouldn't have to go down. ]

I'm a chemist. :) I'm currently earning my PhD in physical chemistry, so I do a lot of research.

[ophidie]

Impressive. No wonder you're busy!

You seem like you'd make a good teacher, but I figure you're thinking about going to work somewhere within the private sector.

[fluorite]

Yes, I'll be in the private sector. My main focus is on air pollutants, so I'm hoping to join up with an organization working on that.

[ So he might end up in the public sector anyway. ]

It's funny you mention teacher, though. :) I do a lot of tutoring.

[ophidie]

So you're an environmentalist. I figured you'd probably be interested in something that you put you in the middle of everything but not in the spotlight.

No wonder studying holds a place of importance for you. Is tutoring putting you through school? [Even at different education levels, it's a practice she's very familiar with already.]

[fluorite]

Oh? Do I really give off that impression? ;)

It’s helping me pay for food and other random bills!

[ophidie]

Yeah. You don't mind people and I don't think you'd work on your own, but I can't see you wanting the attention that comes with high-profile glory.

That's important, too. You're almost in the lap of luxury. It probably beats restaurant work, too.

[fluorite]

Wow, you really got me.

It does, honestly. I don't mind food service much, but the customers started to bother me after a while. And my feet always hurt.

[ophidie]

Did I? [This is why they're private people...if she's figured him as much as he's figured her, they can call themselves even.]

It's not so bad, but I guess I also have the advantage of youth on my side. It helps that I have a certain reputation where I work, so they expect me to act according to that niche.

[fluorite]

What's that reputation like?

[ He has one too, so he understands somewhat where she's coming from. But honestly, he's curious as to what standards she feels like she needs to live up to there. ]

[ophidie]

[Hm... Well, she's still sizing him up a little bit, but might as well answer directly.]

It's not like I'm not still nice to the customers, but I'm the straightforward one. Instead of acting cute, I just say it how it is.

It's kind of like my character.

[Though how much of it is really a character and how much of it is just the way she normally does things is a little up in the air.]