Absolutely not. I don’t know nearly enough. That just means I have the rest of my life to learn, doesn’t it? You’re not meant to be read like a book. You’re meant to be learned.
And I would like that very much.
Does your fate police you in the form of your sister?
It's true that is what led me here. But were she some other, non-blood traitor, it'd have been the same. The responsibility to make amends falls to the one in charge.
But it's because I wish to protect my family that I am still here.
So either way, it's because of them that I act. And regardless of it being the role that I inherited, I intend to do just that.
Even just saying that, I get the impression that adopting difficult things seems to be your hobby. What do you enjoy so much about it?
In an earlier message, you mentioned the idea of escaping. Would you ever have? If not in this life, then another life?
Do you count as difficult? It's been easy enough to like you, even past the things I've found out.
I'm not sure. I enjoy... learning to be more human, and for that, I need people to learn from. I enjoy loving those who are different from me. And I enjoy those who are relentlessly themselves.
So, as for me, no. As tempting as the possibility might be, I wouldn't run. For many reasons, it would not be feasible, but it isn't only that. Such cowardice that would leave my family in a disadvantage wouldn't sit well with me no matter how I tried to get away with it.
Haha, well, I don't think of myself as easy. But the deeper you go with anyone, the more difficult it becomes. Do you disagree?
"Learning to be human". Please don't lower yourself to making yourself out to be like one of them, tabibito-san. At least from my experience, you don't lack in humanity.
[ this reminds them of a conversation they had with fandaniel once about 0koto, and they smile. ]
でしょう？
I do agree. It is more difficult, yet at the same time, the satisfaction is… immeasurable, I feel. To know someone in a way that few can broach. A weakness, yes, but also a great advantage.
What would you call it then? To have spent my life free, but underwater. To hear and observe though the waters muffle all sound and the waves distort all sight. To be cool and comfortable, but never warm and dry. To break through and realize I do need to breathe after all.
I think the layman normally calls that "repression".
[Is this a joke?? Matoba always speaks too dryly to tell, even in text.]
But societal or self-imposed restrictions doesn't make you outright incapable of comprehending or acting on your humanity; something those two seem to lack entirely.
But, after all, when our lot was the sample, no wonder that thing came out so twisted.
Between an empty doll and one that has only learned evil, which is the more pathetic one? Neither is particularly appealing, if I am honest.
Where my own capacity is concerned, I'm more than aware of my own failings. But I have chosen to follow the path that's been set out for me. In order to be the best of that which I must be, I made the sacrifices that were necessary.
But choosing to sacrifice aspects of my humanity, such as capacity for empathy or kindness, doesn't mean I've forgotten them entirely, or that I lack perspective on them in others.
It was absolutely necessary? You willingly made the choice?
[ it hurts in a different way reading these words. their hurt with the other two was twisted with frustration. stupid, stupid choices made when everything had already been laid at their feet. for him, they ache in understanding. so… an unavoidable path lays before him. even with others walking similar roads, his feels utterly solitary. he hasn’t just started - he’s already set out and what they’re watching now is the back of a friend walking away. ]
I know you would never run. That’s not like you. You may walk in the shadows, but you always walk forward, careful of what’s behind, aware of what’s ahead.
But…
Must you bear this duty alone? This feels like goodbye.
What you’ve sacrificed - will you accept it back when this is all over?
After all, tabibito-san, it's because I know I can entrust some things to you that I can rest easy.
Oops~ But that's me being a little selfish, isn't it? Maybe I shouldn't say that.
[Aah, but he's glad they understand exactly what he expects of them. It means he really can rest easy... Then, this plan of his might actually work out.......]
Are you worried for what will happen to me afterwards? Don't be. I won't need to hold anything back when I'm done. [And they've already talked about where he's going.]
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no subject
And I would like that very much.
Does your fate police you in the form of your sister?
no subject
It's true that is what led me here. But were she some other, non-blood traitor, it'd have been the same. The responsibility to make amends falls to the one in charge.
But it's because I wish to protect my family that I am still here.
So either way, it's because of them that I act. And regardless of it being the role that I inherited, I intend to do just that.
Even just saying that, I get the impression that adopting difficult things seems to be your hobby. What do you enjoy so much about it?
no subject
Do you count as difficult? It's been easy enough to like you, even past the things I've found out.
I'm not sure. I enjoy... learning to be more human, and for that, I need people to learn from. I enjoy loving those who are different from me. And I enjoy those who are relentlessly themselves.
no subject
So, as for me, no. As tempting as the possibility might be, I wouldn't run. For many reasons, it would not be feasible, but it isn't only that. Such cowardice that would leave my family in a disadvantage wouldn't sit well with me no matter how I tried to get away with it.
Haha, well, I don't think of myself as easy. But the deeper you go with anyone, the more difficult it becomes. Do you disagree?
"Learning to be human". Please don't lower yourself to making yourself out to be like one of them, tabibito-san. At least from my experience, you don't lack in humanity.
no subject
でしょう？
I do agree. It is more difficult, yet at the same time, the satisfaction is… immeasurable, I feel. To know someone in a way that few can broach. A weakness, yes, but also a great advantage.
What would you call it then? To have spent my life free, but underwater. To hear and observe though the waters muffle all sound and the waves distort all sight. To be cool and comfortable, but never warm and dry. To break through and realize I do need to breathe after all.
no subject
I think the layman normally calls that "repression".
[Is this a joke?? Matoba always speaks too dryly to tell, even in text.]
But societal or self-imposed restrictions doesn't make you outright incapable of comprehending or acting on your humanity; something those two seem to lack entirely.
But, after all, when our lot was the sample, no wonder that thing came out so twisted.
no subject
Do you so think? I don't know if I had anything in me to repress... But as I am now, you could be right.
What says your own humanity?
Those two... How do you feel about them, 0koto-kun?
no subject
Where my own capacity is concerned, I'm more than aware of my own failings. But I have chosen to follow the path that's been set out for me. In order to be the best of that which I must be, I made the sacrifices that were necessary.
But choosing to sacrifice aspects of my humanity, such as capacity for empathy or kindness, doesn't mean I've forgotten them entirely, or that I lack perspective on them in others.
That is the difference, in my view.
no subject
It was absolutely necessary? You willingly made the choice?
[ it hurts in a different way reading these words. their hurt with the other two was twisted with frustration. stupid, stupid choices made when everything had already been laid at their feet. for him, they ache in understanding. so… an unavoidable path lays before him. even with others walking similar roads, his feels utterly solitary. he hasn’t just started - he’s already set out and what they’re watching now is the back of a friend walking away. ]
You have to be this.
no subject
[Which is to say: there was never a choice.]
But I'd rather face that fate eye to eye than to be the coward who abandons his duty for fleeting selfishness.
So if you want me to be more exact with my words, what I've really chosen is my creed.
[To be a tool that shields others- his family, or otherwise.]
no subject
But…
Must you bear this duty alone? This feels like goodbye.
What you’ve sacrificed - will you accept it back when this is all over?
no subject
After all, tabibito-san, it's because I know I can entrust some things to you that I can rest easy.
Oops~ But that's me being a little selfish, isn't it? Maybe I shouldn't say that.
[Aah, but he's glad they understand exactly what he expects of them. It means he really can rest easy... Then, this plan of his might actually work out.......]
Are you worried for what will happen to me afterwards? Don't be. I won't need to hold anything back when I'm done. [And they've already talked about where he's going.]