@Hector

[secondthoughts]

@Hector

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Message(s) Received;

@ Punisher - "Saw your post.I will drop by, ..."
@ Faunus - "yaoi dungeon. quest thing. you..."
@ Mr_Misteaks - "Mine was Lilith. She would hav..."
@ Anonymous - "Congratulations. You have unlo..."
@ Yael - "Δ Hidden Forbidden Bulwark. Me..."
@ KaraBear - "Hi Hector!I have a question fo..."
@ Mr_Misteaks - "Do you watch much TV?"
@ hana - "(555)123-4567 -Hana"
@ KaraBear - "Hey. Are you around right now?..."
@ zelkova - "Hello, Hector! :-)I'd like you..."
@ Mr_Misteaks - "HectorI fucked upSomeone's rea..."
@ mithrun1 - "How are you feeling?"
@ FlameMane - "hector i need a healer in lumi..."
@ oriade - "how do you feel about zelkova ..."
@ bigkitty - "He's alive."
@ Vogel - "Hi Hector,Do you happen to hav..."
@ Faunus - "Hey, Hector.I was wondering if..."
@ Owen - "i'm sorry.i was just surprised..."

Comments

un: faunus || Mid November

[bleatingedge]

Hey, Hector.

I was wondering if I'd be able to ask you something.

But I have to ask you to hold your immediate dismissal first. Okay?

[Leo's typing is way more measured and composed than his usual posts.]

[secondthoughts]

[ Oh, this is unusual. Enough to get Hector's full concern and attention. ]

Sure. Shoot.

[bleatingedge]

I don't know what love feels like, but I know that I care deeply about you. Enough to risk alienation, despite how much that worries me. But I have to try.

I want to be in a relationship with you. It doesn't need to be exclusive - we can each explore wherever our hearts desire (rhetorical for me). But at the end of the day, I want you to have someone you can come home to. Someone you can confide in. You deserve that, and I want to provide that.

[secondthoughts]

[ Hector tenses when he sees the message, and Leo's right—his first instinct is to say no, and leave it at that. He feels like a scared, cornered animal looking at this, thinking about the prospect of other people even catching glimpses of everything inside. He doesn't let people in. Never. Even if it's not intentional, he keeps them at arms length, only approaching when he wants. Doesn't he always turn tail and run when someone tries to repay the favor?

(Yael said as much, long ago. And maybe this is why he's found an affinity for Dosei, despite the boy's prickly attitude.)

He can't help but think that Leo should have picked someone else to pursue. Someone more amicable. Someone more open, and caring. And so the least he can do is poke and pry and prod until he understands. ]

Why me?

[bleatingedge]

There's a lot of reasons, really. You're effortlessly funny. You have a way with words. And of course I can't deny you're incredibly attractive. But most importantly, you care. So much. Almost too much? But you make me feel seen. Make me feel important. Make me feel loved. And I've had very little of that for such a long time...

[secondthoughts]

[ As he reads every word, the panic mounts, and he feels more and more like a creature with nowhere left to run. It's not as though he doesn't deserve this—that isn't quite it. He's flattered regardless, but he can't help but feel like Leo's intentions are directed at the wrong person. Even if the solid reasons he knows he has escape is memory. ]

That's because you are important. And you are loved. Just look around you next time you hang out with the others. You're not alone. And you definitely deserve a better hand in life than the one you've been dealt. I can sympathize.

[ The specifics elude him, as much as his memory does, but...that feels right to say. ]

But I can't give you what you want. I'm not the person you think I am. I don't think you want me in a relationship and I don't even know what a not-exclusive relationship is. Is that even a relationship at all? You told me not to immediately dismiss you and I am trying so hard not to break you're heart but you're asking way too much from me right now and I don't know if I can give it to you.

But this is also kind of really bad timing. We're fighting the phases now, it's all I can think about. I don't have the time to think about relationships. Let's kill Cubia first, and then we can talk about this again. Okay?

[bleatingedge]

and this is all i've been thinking about for over a month at this point

[He's given up trying to type properly. It doesn't seem to matter anyhow.]

you're not going to break my heart, hector

like i said, i don't really... get this. i'm just trying to navigate how i feel. i want to be there for you. i want to be someone you can rely on, someone you won't deflect away. it doesn't even have to be considered a relationship! just. let me in your world like i've let you in mine.

[secondthoughts]

Then why does it have to be a relationship? Why can't it just be a regular friendship? We're already friends, I don't know what has to change.

[bleatingedge]

last time i checked, regular friends don't make out

but that's besides the point

it's clear that being "just friends" with you leaves a rhetorical fence between us

i know there's things going on that i can't glean at face value with you

things i can't help with if i'm left in the dark

so i thought that... being in a relationship with you would let me be close enough to finally help

i'm willing to try being exclusive with you if that helps...

[secondthoughts]

[ Leo is good in that he understands how he feels and is open and communicative about that and what he wants.

Hector, unfortunately, is not. The open honesty scares him even more, and his walls go up. ]

I can't do this, Leo.

I'm sorry.

[bleatingedge]

ok

sorry for bothering you

[Leo leaves it at that. Hopefully they can still be friends. But if not, that's fine. He's used to being alone.]