( Writing the message is not hard so much as starting it. It takes him some time. )
I was dealing with heartbreak when I was just graduated. The only person I could trust was a professor from my accelerated course. I confided in him, and he said he'd help me. I trusted him.
Eating is the easiest thing to get someone to do, I think. So he started with that. Richer meals, more courses with time, with alcohol, though I didn't want any. The objective wasn't for me to eat but for me to be hungry. I would eat, and he would ask if that was enough or if that really tasted any good, and if I really didn't want anything else and if I really couldn't do better, and he would have me eat more, until I threw up. Then he would start over. It was the same with alcohol.
After enough time, I was hungry even when I was full, and starving even when I was sick. I couldn't eat very much in public anyway. I could only eat with him around.
I wasn't feeling well with all that, so the rest was easier. He would give me money to spend and question my purchases, ask if I wouldn't look better in the thing I hadn't chosen. He knew I felt inferior, and that I was always anxious about people looking down on me. I would come back with the thing he said to get and said it just didn't work with me anyway, but maybe it would look good on someone else. And then he began to get me wondering if the company I had was good enough, if I couldn't be with people who were different, people who were better...
It continued like that, across as many things he could convince me of. I was always wanting things. I couldn't stop. What I had wasn't ever enough. It made me dependent on him, and pliable. I think that was his goal, ultimately - though, maybe he found some joy in watching my descent, too.
Even if my accident hadn't happened, somehow, I would've burned out.
And I wasn't really a nice person, even before I trusted in him. I never made real friends. I wanted someone to save me from my heartbreak and, when I looked around me, he was the only one there. Maybe I deserved it.
He said that if I was good enough, I could take control of myself. But, if I accepted I wasn't enough, I could reach out to someone and let them hoist me from this pit, and he wouldn't stop me. But even if there had been someone there, I was afraid to of what it meant to accept that.
He had to read, and reread, and even then most of it sounds so cruel as to be almost fanciful. To think someone out there would pick another person apart like this, that Morgan was in such a spot that he didn't fight it and thinks he deserved it...
The situations are incredibly different. But there are ripples in those moments where his stream of storytelling hits those curves in the flow that resonate with Barrett more than he wants.
How does he respond to this? Where does he start?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Inbox
Important
Draft
Sent
Trash (666)
Compose
cw: emeto mention
I was dealing with heartbreak when I was just graduated. The only person I could trust was a professor from my accelerated course. I confided in him, and he said he'd help me. I trusted him.
Eating is the easiest thing to get someone to do, I think. So he started with that. Richer meals, more courses with time, with alcohol, though I didn't want any. The objective wasn't for me to eat but for me to be hungry. I would eat, and he would ask if that was enough or if that really tasted any good, and if I really didn't want anything else and if I really couldn't do better, and he would have me eat more, until I threw up. Then he would start over. It was the same with alcohol.
After enough time, I was hungry even when I was full, and starving even when I was sick. I couldn't eat very much in public anyway. I could only eat with him around.
I wasn't feeling well with all that, so the rest was easier. He would give me money to spend and question my purchases, ask if I wouldn't look better in the thing I hadn't chosen. He knew I felt inferior, and that I was always anxious about people looking down on me. I would come back with the thing he said to get and said it just didn't work with me anyway, but maybe it would look good on someone else. And then he began to get me wondering if the company I had was good enough, if I couldn't be with people who were different, people who were better...
It continued like that, across as many things he could convince me of. I was always wanting things. I couldn't stop. What I had wasn't ever enough. It made me dependent on him, and pliable. I think that was his goal, ultimately - though, maybe he found some joy in watching my descent, too.
Even if my accident hadn't happened, somehow, I would've burned out.
And I wasn't really a nice person, even before I trusted in him. I never made real friends. I wanted someone to save me from my heartbreak and, when I looked around me, he was the only one there. Maybe I deserved it.
He said that if I was good enough, I could take control of myself. But, if I accepted I wasn't enough, I could reach out to someone and let them hoist me from this pit, and he wouldn't stop me. But even if there had been someone there, I was afraid to of what it meant to accept that.
Our situations probably aren't similar.
But I'm here, if you want to look around.
1/2
A lot.
He had to read, and reread, and even then most of it sounds so cruel as to be almost fanciful. To think someone out there would pick another person apart like this, that Morgan was in such a spot that he didn't fight it and thinks he deserved it...
The situations are incredibly different. But there are ripples in those moments where his stream of storytelling hits those curves in the flow that resonate with Barrett more than he wants.
How does he respond to this? Where does he start?]
/2
Are you by the guilds right now?
no subject
Yes, for the moment. Why?
no subject
I can come find you.
no subject
( And he will be there, sat on one of the couches in the main hall whenever Barrett arrives. Doesn't seem there's anyone around for the moment. )
no subject