[It sure is good that the annoyance doesn't come through in Barrett's text.]
All the time. I just get shut down or mocked for being an otaku.
And now this has turned into something way more than I ever intended it to be. No one needs an otaku ranting about fandom anymore. They need someone who's actually good with people. Like you.
Are you talking about the guild, or something else?
I don't think I'm as good with people as you say I am. But I thought we started this for a place for people like you and me to have somewhere safe to just be themselves.
...both, kinda. But I'm talking about the guild right now.
We did, and it's still about that. But now it's also just a place for people without guilds to go so they have somewhere to sleep, whether they care about fandom or food or not.
Not that I have a problem with that or anything. It's just...sometimes I feel like an outsider in my own guild now. An outsider who can barely manage a conversation on a good day.
You're being really hard on yourself. If someone's actually telling you that, you should kick them.
Maybe you're a little awkward sometimes, but that doesn't matter. If people don't want to be in here, there's other guilds they can go to. Even if stuff has changed because of what's happened to everyone, it doesn't mean you have to stop and wait until it all gets better.
[It feels like a repeat of a time that feels blurry and uncomfortable to dwell on. Of change and intense emotion, but with nothing important enough to leave a clear memory.
He didn't want a repeat of that. He didn't want to be left to pull himself and those that were with him out while his older brother cowered.
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no subject
Right now? His first emotion is annoyance.]
What are you talking about? When haven't people been taking you seriously?
no subject
All the time. I just get shut down or mocked for being an otaku.
And now this has turned into something way more than I ever intended it to be. No one needs an otaku ranting about fandom anymore. They need someone who's actually good with people. Like you.
no subject
I don't think I'm as good with people as you say I am. But I thought we started this for a place for people like you and me to have somewhere safe to just be themselves.
Aren't we still doing this together?
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We did, and it's still about that. But now it's also just a place for people without guilds to go so they have somewhere to sleep, whether they care about fandom or food or not.
Not that I have a problem with that or anything. It's just...sometimes I feel like an outsider in my own guild now. An outsider who can barely manage a conversation on a good day.
no subject
Maybe you're a little awkward sometimes, but that doesn't matter. If people don't want to be in here, there's other guilds they can go to. Even if stuff has changed because of what's happened to everyone, it doesn't mean you have to stop and wait until it all gets better.
[It feels like a repeat of a time that feels blurry and uncomfortable to dwell on. Of change and intense emotion, but with nothing important enough to leave a clear memory.
He didn't want a repeat of that. He didn't want to be left to pull himself and those that were with him out while his older brother cowered.
But he would if he had to.]
Do you want me closing membership?
1/2
...
Something about it causes a twinge between his nerves that he can't quite explain.
So he reads it again.
And again. And again. And again--
...
He leaves Barrett on read for another few hours.]
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What can I possibly do to help make things better when no matter how hard I've tried, everything's only gotten worse?
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Things getting bad wasn't your fault. It still isn't.
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I guess I was stupid for daring to hope.
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Why are you talking like things are at the end? We can't give up now.
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I guess I’ve gotten used to giving up. May as well just start doing it while I’m ahead.
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What about everyone back home? What about Kara?
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I just feel so lost. Like I've let everyone down and I'm just gonna KEEP letting everyone down no matter what I do!
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The only way you'll let anyone down is if you insist on giving up, Levi.
Has anyone told you that? That you're letting them down?