I'm not trying to get myself killed just yet. [Unfortunately, as he already knows, she's not so easily cowed by scolding. She may not have siblings - at least, she's still a little certain about that - but this is probably how it would feel to duck that kind of concern.]
If it really was my armor set that protected me, then I'm glad. [It isn't necessarily that she sees it as protecting everyone else... in fact, that's the furthest thing in her mind.] It would have been a much less happy reunion for everyone who stayed behind for it otherwise.
I can meet. Is there a reason the Guild won't work? [They've all been spending a lot of time there, it seems...she can't really remember living most anywhere else.]
in my defense i wasn't looking to get myself hurt during the battle
[ actually, sinclair might have avoided most of the damage by sheer luck? he doesn't think he actually got hit in a way that would cripple him the entire time ]
Great. Lets meet at the Chaos Gate in Mac Anu and I'll explain.
[There are some things that have no guarantee on them, so she does the best she can, even if Yuui of all people is the mostly likely to know she deflects with evasion.]
I'll do my best. I hope you'll pledge to do the same.
[The god of foreshadowing looking forward to the cathedral smiles down upon this thread.]
With the battle or when I was Data Drained. It was a long fight... but the drain was one of the worst things I've ever felt. It felt like I was being pulled into pieces. I knew I was close to dying... then my armor was on fire and people were healing me.
[ One of the worst things she's felt? Just how potent are these Data Drains? He frowns. ]
How do you feel now?
[ Her guilt, the memories of it, being healed... how has it left her feeling now? They're so similar that he has no doubt she has complicated feelings over all of it. ]
[ It probably wouldn't, but that she says she'll let him know anyway puts him at ease, if only somewhat. But at this point, he'll take all the small bits of comfort he can get. ]
Oh, it's no trouble at all. I've been wanting to see you.
[ Miharu's been on her mind, especially after what she's heard, but that's a conversation best saved for in person. ]
You're right that I haven't taken much of a break, but I think that goes for many of us! I know, why don't we go for a walk after your shift? Just to relax.
Then I'll be over soon. Do you have a favorite place in Fragment? Aitla would certainly say yes if we asked. Maybe we could leave early, and I'll take a shift next time to repay her, though I don't mind waiting either.
[That grunty is a bleeding heart, and they both know it. But if the need is great and the supplies are there, then that's what they have them for... is what they'd probably say.]
You know, even though we've been here so long, I don't find a lot of opportunities to go to the mall. [Is that one of the places that affects the way people feel when they're there? She hesitates and thinks it over.] Where do you wanna go, Haru?
Ah, yeah... I can certainly understand that. [It'll be hard to see the beach in the same way, especially with the illusion of it being a peaceful place untouched by some of Fragment's dangers shattered.] Hopefully those memories can be replaced with something better in time.
Okay. Think about what shops you'd like to visit and I'll do the same. [An itinerary never hurts, even for something like this. Or they can aimlessly wander...that might be what happens anyway.]
[She should keep these thoughts to herself; she's done it this long with everyone else. It gets easier and easier to hide things from others, even when hoping to be noticed. She'd lie to him, too, but he's also the only one she'd trust with the truth.]
At first, I was kind of relieved. When he was defeated, Macha said he didn't want to die. It felt fair...for someone like me who's wanted to die to be hit by that attack.
Then I also thought...what a waste. That there might still be some meaning to my life, or something I could still do.
For what it's worth, I think yours has plenty of meaning. You'll find something you can do with it.
[ Though that isn't just empty words. ]
I can't place the feeling anymore, but I remember a time where I was glad that I survived. I think I went through similar feelings to you, honestly.
[ It's a feeling that feels so close to his heart, yet when he tries to reach for it and place it in his memories it slips through his fingers. Still, he's glad he knows enough to tell her this much. ]
I hope so, too. We'll just have to make more memories.
[ Better ones. So that the battle becomes a faded memory put behind her and one day she might stroll along the beach and know the feeling of being in love for real... ]
Yeah. At the very least, I want to know the end of this. I don't want to die without knowing what else is possible out of life. Without knowing the people I'm going to protect are safe.
[She's able to say some of these things because of the Miharu she's forgotten: the one who was alone and who could have therefore only thought about the things that she, alone, went through. But when she thinks about what he's told her, she wonders if it stems from the things he experienced that he once entrusted to her. She knows those memories now better than she knows her own history, for better or for worse.]
You left some of your memories with me before. I think I understand how you might have come to that same conclusion. [If he wants to hear them. If he wants to know right now.]
[ It's comforting to see those words attached to her username, though he... can't fully place why. Perhaps an impression he had of her or a kinship that they had once had between them that feels lost to time. ]
Did I?
[ He wishes he could remember doing something like that, but he's glad that he did. Hm. Now that he thinks of it— ]
I know I wrote some things down about you too. What do you say we exchange?
I know we've talked a lot, so it makes sense. It feels a little rude to have lost track of some of those conversations... but I still know they were important.
Let's swap notes. Although, is it the same for you? Hearing these things, even from people I trust not to lie to me... they feel less and less like they could possibly be real.
Yeah... Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm being tricked. It's difficult to imagine myself with a life outside of this one. But knowing that something like that has to exist... it's encouraging.
I'm worried if we do it over email it'll just slip away again. Even if having a permanent written record is prudent, if it keeps slipping from memory all that good will be erased. Maybe we should talk?
I agree. Let's go somewhere quiet, and we can introduce ourselves all over again.
[She hesitates for just a moment, wondering if all the information she was given to safeguard should really be disclosed. It's not hers to control, though - she'll tell him everything, even if she sometimes keeps it brief.]
Thank you for checking in on me, Yuui. [And for not forgetting these things about her...maybe even for being the only person who really knows them.]
[ He smiles at the message, feeling a warmth bubble up in his chest. Having someone to check in on like this... it's nice, even if the circumstances themselves aren't as such.
He had always wondered what it would be like to have a little sister, and this feeling? He thinks this is close. ]
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un: vogel | day after the meeting
no subject
Might as well.
[Is it possible for text to sound tired?]
I assume we'll forego anything too fancy this time.
no subject
un: bigkitty, 10/30
But there's one thing he can't let go of: ]
Stay safe. Please.
no subject
Did you see the post on the forums? [She's already pretty sure that must be where he's coming from.] I'm okay. Sorry to worry you.
no subject
And you're right, we can't. But you can still exercise caution anyway.
[ Yes, he sure is scolding her! ]
no subject
If it really was my armor set that protected me, then I'm glad. [It isn't necessarily that she sees it as protecting everyone else... in fact, that's the furthest thing in her mind.] It would have been a much less happy reunion for everyone who stayed behind for it otherwise.
no subject
But I'm glad your armor set was there for you. What happened, exactly?
11/4 before gorre battle
Haru and I have a favour to ask of you. Do you mind meeting to talk in person?
:myasus:
I can meet. Is there a reason the Guild won't work? [They've all been spending a lot of time there, it seems...she can't really remember living most anywhere else.]
Re: :myasus:
[miharu will be fine clearly]
no subject
How can I refuse you two?
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[ actually, sinclair might have avoided most of the damage by sheer luck? he doesn't think he actually got hit in a way that would cripple him the entire time ]
Great. Lets meet at the Chaos Gate in Mac Anu and I'll explain.
no subject
See you there, Emil.
no subject
[And he'll go to the chaos gate to explain everything :)]
no subject
I'll do my best. I hope you'll pledge to do the same.
[The god of foreshadowing looking forward to the cathedral smiles down upon this thread.]
With the battle or when I was Data Drained. It was a long fight... but the drain was one of the worst things I've ever felt. It felt like I was being pulled into pieces. I knew I was close to dying... then my armor was on fire and people were healing me.
What else did you want to know?
no subject
[ One of the worst things she's felt? Just how potent are these Data Drains? He frowns. ]
How do you feel now?
[ Her guilt, the memories of it, being healed... how has it left her feeling now? They're so similar that he has no doubt she has complicated feelings over all of it. ]
no subject
My health dropped about as low as it could, even with the healing over time, and there were so many status downs.
But physically I don't feel any lasting effects. Almost like it never happened... but it did.
no subject
I hope you continue to have no lasting effects. And if something comes up, let me know immediately.
[ There isn't much he can do other than freak out, but he'd still like to know.
And about a minute later, he sends another email: ]
What about your heart and your mind, Miharu?
[ How is she coping with a near death experience like that? ]
no subject
But I will.
[As for how she feels, she sits there with the message spinning unsent for quite some times.]
I'm a little tired, honestly. I feel like there's not very much of me, but I don't really know if I can put that on being drained.
sometime post-gorre battle
no subject
What do you need, Haru?
no subject
Perhaps not.
[ After all, what's going on is exhausting. ]
I think I understand it, at least.
no subject
no subject
[It's a little unfair of her, really, to wonder if the reason would be her in the first place.]
no subject
[ Miharu's been on her mind, especially after what she's heard, but that's a conversation best saved for in person. ]
You're right that I haven't taken much of a break, but I think that goes for many of us!
I know, why don't we go for a walk after your shift? Just to relax.
no subject
Sure. That sounds like a good way to unwind.
I'm sure the grunty would take over for me any time it was needed, but you know it's a pushover...
no subject
Aitla would certainly say yes if we asked. Maybe we could leave early, and I'll take a shift next time to repay her, though I don't mind waiting either.
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I think it might be something like my "sense of self"... something about being attacked like that is making me think about who I am.
I really thought I was going to die.
no subject
[That grunty is a bleeding heart, and they both know it. But if the need is great and the supplies are there, then that's what they have them for... is what they'd probably say.]
You know, even though we've been here so long, I don't find a lot of opportunities to go to the mall. [Is that one of the places that affects the way people feel when they're there? She hesitates and thinks it over.] Where do you wanna go, Haru?
cw suicidal ideation mention
[ Did she feel at peace, or did she realize she didn't want to go? ]
no subject
[ She can be a bit of a pushover herself. Haru thinks Sinclair made the right choice picking Miharu for the job. ]
I used to find the beach quite nice, but I don't know how I feel about it now... [ War flashbacks intensify. ] Let's go to the mall!
no subject
Okay. Think about what shops you'd like to visit and I'll do the same. [An itinerary never hurts, even for something like this. Or they can aimlessly wander...that might be what happens anyway.]
cw suicidal ideation
At first, I was kind of relieved. When he was defeated, Macha said he didn't want to die. It felt fair...for someone like me who's wanted to die to be hit by that attack.
Then I also thought...what a waste. That there might still be some meaning to my life, or something I could still do.
cw suicide mention
[ Though that isn't just empty words. ]
I can't place the feeling anymore, but I remember a time where I was glad that I survived. I think I went through similar feelings to you, honestly.
[ It's a feeling that feels so close to his heart, yet when he tries to reach for it and place it in his memories it slips through his fingers. Still, he's glad he knows enough to tell her this much. ]
no subject
[ Better ones. So that the battle becomes a faded memory put behind her and one day she might stroll along the beach and know the feeling of being in love for real... ]
Alright, I'll think on it. See you in a bit!
no subject
[She's able to say some of these things because of the Miharu she's forgotten: the one who was alone and who could have therefore only thought about the things that she, alone, went through. But when she thinks about what he's told her, she wonders if it stems from the things he experienced that he once entrusted to her. She knows those memories now better than she knows her own history, for better or for worse.]
You left some of your memories with me before. I think I understand how you might have come to that same conclusion. [If he wants to hear them. If he wants to know right now.]
no subject
Did I?
[ He wishes he could remember doing something like that, but he's glad that he did. Hm. Now that he thinks of it— ]
I know I wrote some things down about you too. What do you say we exchange?
no subject
Let's swap notes. Although, is it the same for you? Hearing these things, even from people I trust not to lie to me... they feel less and less like they could possibly be real.
no subject
[ He begins to type up what she told him, getting halfway through before deleting all of it. ]
Would you rather learn this over email or in person?
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I'm worried if we do it over email it'll just slip away again. Even if having a permanent written record is prudent, if it keeps slipping from memory all that good will be erased. Maybe we should talk?
no subject
I wouldn't mind talking. I think it'd be easier to process all of it in person anyway.
[ What he knows about her isn't exactly easy to take in, after all, even if he doesn't know all the little details. ]
no subject
[She hesitates for just a moment, wondering if all the information she was given to safeguard should really be disclosed. It's not hers to control, though - she'll tell him everything, even if she sometimes keeps it brief.]
Thank you for checking in on me, Yuui. [And for not forgetting these things about her...maybe even for being the only person who really knows them.]
no subject
He had always wondered what it would be like to have a little sister, and this feeling? He thinks this is close. ]
Anytime, Miharu.