@Oriade

[dissimulative]

@Oriade

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[tablescraps]

I think your perspective on pain is correct. My circumstances are unusual, but pain is something most people should maintain. Maybe more people would leave the toggle on if they could select the maximum extremity of pain they can experience.

In any case... It's fine. I do live alone, but my family hired a carer for me. He comes by regularly, but can't live here. Why?

[dissimulative]

im sure people would
pain is a great indicator for stuff
but nobody likes it
except masochists i guess

anyway
thats fine!
i was wondering if you had a caretaker or something for your needs

[ In short, he was kinda worried for a second. ]

[tablescraps]

It seems reasonable to want to play with it off. I also wouldn't recommend the more extreme forms of pain that exist in this game. IE, electrocution via Grand Electric allows you to experience the full extent of your skin boiling, bubbling, and your blood churning like a cauldron, without the consequence of actual death. I think most would rather just die, in that scenario. It feels like it lasts a very long time, even if the attack itself just lasts a moment or two.

( Pause. Then sends follow up message: )

Were you worried about me?

[dissimulative]

if i wasnt before
I CERTAINLY AM NOW
are you unconsciously traumatized
holy shit

[tablescraps]

No. I log all my experiences after runs and, barring that, every few hours. It's how I started to notice that I was becoming comparatively more conscious of nociception.

How has it been for you, to be subject to monster attacks? Do you not mind stings, cuts, and burns? Or are you too far from combat to be targeted?

[dissimulative]

[ Does he say that he knows how those feel?

... ]

im a steam gunner
game says that steam gunners should be attacking from a distance
do i want to though
not really
shooting them up close in the face is a lot more fun



when you experienced those death-like things
did you not really care about how it felt personally
apart from research reasons

[tablescraps]

What is "caring" except "desire"?

"I don't want to get hurt."
"I don't want to experience lingering pain."
"I don't want to get scars."
"I don't want permanent injury."
"I don't want to leave someone behind."
etc.

My only desire is recuperation. I won't do anything that would prevent my improvement, but I don't think much of anything that doesn't.

If the rush of killing things close range trumps your desire to avoid nociception, I can't imagine you have a healthy relationship with desire, either.

[dissimulative]

[ He wants to say a bunch of things about all that, but. ]

dont make me sound like a psycho.............
cmon man

[tablescraps]

Then why risk injury to move in close, when it's optional for your class?

[dissimulative]

[ Does he really want to answer that? ]

what IS a healthy relationship with desire then

[ No. ]

[tablescraps]

Probably not something you'd see in this game. An immersive virtual reality experience is most compatible with addictive and compulsive personality types, and people whose needs aren't being met in reality.

If any of us were content, we wouldn't be online.

[dissimulative]

[ He feels really called out by that, but Mithrun is right. ]

doesnt that circle back to how people are never content

[tablescraps]

In a sense. A small level of discontent is acceptable. If you were content not eating, you wouldn't eat. If you were content alone, you wouldn't find a partner. I think those small, missing satisfactions add up to an "average," or healthy, level of desire.

People who are missing too much, or who can't obtain what they want, try to satisfy their urges with something else. A sense of accomplishment over hitting level cap in place of approval from their parents. A guild of users to run Explorations with in place of physical friends. Etc.

[dissimulative]

then what do you think im missing?

[ other than the chance to commit violence, i guess ]

[tablescraps]

I wouldn't know, since I'm not your therapist.

( Assuming Oria even has one. Mithrun doesn't. Anyway, )

Do you feel you're missing something?

[dissimulative]

no
i dont think so
im satisfied with my life as it is

[tablescraps]

If that's how you feel, that's good. Hopefully nothing changes that.

( He doesn't say this with well wishes so much as he says it matter-of-fact. Life is fickle. )

[dissimulative]

[ Sure is!! ]

thanks
anyway
pls stop dying

[tablescraps]

I've only died once, and that's because someone killed me my first day.

[dissimulative]

THEN WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT BLOOD BOILING AND SKIN FRYING????
AND WHO

[tablescraps]

That didn't kill me. It was just a critical hit.

( But maybe death would've been more merciful, )

It was the person with the display name fandaniel. He has black hair and blunt bangs.

( that's. about all he remembers. he didn't care enough about fandaniel before he got pk'd to commit anything about his appearance or forum posts to memory. He's sure paying attention now, though. )

He invited me to an Exploration with him after the opening ceremony. I thought there was something about him, but I didn't expect him to turn on me and quit the instance.

[dissimulative]

you went with him
but he had a game breaking bug on him
mithrun...........................................
what the hell

[tablescraps]

What game-breaking bug

( DIDN'T CARE OR NOTICE , )

[dissimulative]

[ He'll just... link him the forum post. ]

[tablescraps]

( Some minutes pass as he reads through the post. )

Maybe I really should kill him.