[ hani's a little grateful for the timing of this exchange, because they are not practiced in fretting!! and there's nothing else to do while waiting at this airport terminal... ]
Did Gani-kun ever tell you about what happened to him?
[ Michel is very practiced in fretting! And now that he's gotten this news, it's what he's going to be doing anyway. He knows it's hardly for Hani's sake that he's replying so promptly now. ]
Before this? No. He's told me about his cat. His work. Casual things.
[ oh... well, it's not hani's place to say. they idly tap out a few words, delete them, and finally send: ]
I've always felt that the things we experience in life are like lines in the sand. Terrible things, wonderful things, everything.
But this terrible thing happened, and so quickly, too. And I don't know if any waves can wash away the lines it's made within me. It wasn't like this before.
I've always thought of it as more akin to stone. The layers build up over time as new experiences cover old, but the shape of the foundations remains unchanged beneath it.
[ Is that comforting? It's probably the opposite of comforting... he's terrible at this. Unfortunately, it's already been sent. Following up hurriedly: ]
Time will pass no matter what. Even if the experiences aren't erased. It won't always feel the same.
[ stone rather than sand. maybe that's how it is for everyone and hani deluded themselves into thinking they were an outlier. how ganymede would sigh if he could hear their thoughts now. ]
I don't want to say this is bad. No, what I mean to say is: what happened is terrible, there's no changing that fact. And what I'm feeling now is uncomfortable and new, but...
I don't want to forget that I ever felt this way. [ it's so rare for them to really feel, this is almost a novel experience. ] Because it means something doesn't it? About me?
I don't know what yet.
Winter-kun, I'm sorry. I should have asked earlier. How are you? How do you feel?
[ Or, additionally, that whatever happened before left a deeper impression on Hani than they realized. But it isn't Michel's business to dig into. ]
Why are you worrying about me? You don't need to apologize. I'm just a bystander. I was surprised by what happened... and I wanted to feel like I could do something.
[ Like whatever distraction he's serving by talking to Hani now. ]
[ they've always been certain of their love for their family, and equally as certain of their love for everyone else. a constant they might have held onto with too much complacency, judging from how easily swept away they were by this sudden surge of new emotions. ]
I also care about you. I didn't ask because I was worried - or maybe I was? This is extremely confusing. But if this keeps happening [ if hani keeps feeling things... ] I should get more practice at truly worrying about friends, perhaps.
[ Is Hani just much braver than Michel is? Or is it because these emotions are still confusing and unfamiliar to them that they don't fear them the way they should? Either way — Michel would physically recoil if he didn't have a self-appointed job to do here. ]
I can't offer you any insight into that. I have [ no, he catches the untruth— ] almost no experience in it, either.
[ It's exhausting. It's terrifying. It's freefall into a darkness without even the hope of a moment of impact at the bottom. But if he's going to say that, he may as well not answer at all. ]
Is it comforting to you at all, to have someone else to worry about right now?
[ That's... quite a heavy thing to drop on someone out of the blue. It's worse, that he has no reason to think Hani doesn't mean it.
So he does what he does best in situations like this, and sets the thought aside to be dissected later. At least, with Hani, they likely don't expect an immediate answer. If any. He has no confidence in his ability to learn, but... ]
Sometime. If you come back to Fragment, I'll have a drink for you. Maybe then.
[ later he's sent a candid shot of ganymede in the hospital, awake and talking to someone off-camera. he looks physically tired, but otherwise fine. at the corner of the image is the tips of hani's fingers, a peace sign cut off. ]
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no subject
But if you do want someone to listen, I keep unusual hours.
no subject
Did Gani-kun ever tell you about what happened to him?
no subject
Before this? No. He's told me about his cat. His work. Casual things.
no subject
I've always felt that the things we experience in life are like lines in the sand. Terrible things, wonderful things, everything.
But this terrible thing happened, and so quickly, too. And I don't know if any waves can wash away the lines it's made within me. It wasn't like this before.
no subject
[ Is that comforting? It's probably the opposite of comforting... he's terrible at this. Unfortunately, it's already been sent. Following up hurriedly: ]
Time will pass no matter what. Even if the experiences aren't erased. It won't always feel the same.
no subject
I don't want to say this is bad. No, what I mean to say is: what happened is terrible, there's no changing that fact. And what I'm feeling now is uncomfortable and new, but...
I don't want to forget that I ever felt this way. [ it's so rare for them to really feel, this is almost a novel experience. ] Because it means something doesn't it? About me?
I don't know what yet.
Winter-kun, I'm sorry. I should have asked earlier. How are you? How do you feel?
no subject
[ Or, additionally, that whatever happened before left a deeper impression on Hani than they realized. But it isn't Michel's business to dig into. ]
Why are you worrying about me? You don't need to apologize. I'm just a bystander. I was surprised by what happened... and I wanted to feel like I could do something.
[ Like whatever distraction he's serving by talking to Hani now. ]
no subject
[ they've always been certain of their love for their family, and equally as certain of their love for everyone else. a constant they might have held onto with too much complacency, judging from how easily swept away they were by this sudden surge of new emotions. ]
I also care about you. I didn't ask because I was worried - or maybe I was? This is extremely confusing. But if this keeps happening [ if hani keeps feeling things... ] I should get more practice at truly worrying about friends, perhaps.
You're not just a bystander, Winter-kun.
no subject
I can't offer you any insight into that. I have [ no, he catches the untruth— ] almost no experience in it, either.
[ It's exhausting. It's terrifying. It's freefall into a darkness without even the hope of a moment of impact at the bottom. But if he's going to say that, he may as well not answer at all. ]
Is it comforting to you at all, to have someone else to worry about right now?
no subject
It’s comforting that you exist.
[ not exactly the answer to the question winter asked, but it’s the one that feels right to hani. ]
“Almost no experience”? Will you tell me about that sometime? Maybe we can learn together.
no subject
So he does what he does best in situations like this, and sets the thought aside to be dissected later. At least, with Hani, they likely don't expect an immediate answer. If any. He has no confidence in his ability to learn, but... ]
Sometime. If you come back to Fragment, I'll have a drink for you. Maybe then.
no subject
[ especially after this ganymede incident. ]
It's a pinky promise. 1000 needles if we break it!
no subject
What? What are we doing with 1000 needles? I'm not promising that.
[ Just to establish that in writing... ]
But I will see you when you return.
no subject
♡☆♡☆♡☆
[ later he's sent a candid shot of ganymede in the hospital, awake and talking to someone off-camera. he looks physically tired, but otherwise fine. at the corner of the image is the tips of hani's fingers, a peace sign cut off. ]
no subject
[ Not that Michel is expecting a response. And not that it stops him from peeking at the attached picture.
Terrible internet security. Every last one of them. But... he's relieved to see Ganymede looking well, relatively speaking. ]
no subject
[ but for the record: they did not. ]